spoonerism

New Years Resolutions?

2007-07-15T19:52:00.000-04:00

So, not getting into Ryerson has got me thinking.

This past year has gone by ridiculously fast. Speeding bullet on steroids fast. And the way things are looking, this coming year will be more of the same. I will finish cegep and whether or not I get into Ryerson this time around, I'm going to university next fall. Probably in the Toronto/ Greater Toronto area, but considering how topsy-turvy my life usually is, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Either way. I need to get into university next September, and I want to get into a wicked awesome program. Therefore, I need a plan of action to get me there. And to keep me occupied doing it.

So this is what I'm going to do:

- Work hard at school and get some wicked great marks. We're talking Miss CRC.

- Try to quit procrastinating (I'm not actually expecting much on this one, but what the hey).

- Write /everything/ down in my agenda. So as to not forget homework and stuff, like I did sometimes last semester.

- And since I'm talking about agendas already, I need to decorate mine better this year.

- Craft more. Way more. Maybe that way I can sell some of my extra goodies. And become the next Tarina Tarantino. :) And I need to get my creativity flowing some more.

- Work on my drawing skills, just because they could be /way/ better.

- Blog/ write in my journal more? Possibly, it makes for an interesting account of my life, even if what's written is mostly angsty.

- Get my university applications in on time. :/

- Visit people in Ontario during Christmas holidays. At least.

Hmm... That's all for now, I guess. I just wanted to get that in writting so it would be more effective in guilting me into actually doing all these things. And I'm a little bored.

I'm going to go now.

Soundtrack to my life (stolen from Facebook)

2007-05-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

The Soundtrack of My Life:So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle/Random
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

YOU CAN’T CHEAT OR SKIP SONGS!

Opening Credits: U2 - All I Want Is You

Waking Up: The Get Up Kids - I'm a Loner Dottie, a Rebel

First Day At School: Moby - Whip It (Heavy Metal Version)

Falling In Love: The Smashing Pumpkins - By Starlight

Breaking Up: Billy Joel - Goodnight Saigon

Prom: Ikara Colt - Here We Go Again

Life's OK: The Smashing Pumpkins - Farewell and Goodnight

Getting the Job: Barenaked Ladies - Off The Hook

Getting Fired: Beatles - Lady Madonna

Breakdown: Pink Martini - U Plavu Zoru

Driving: The Smashing Pumpkins - Where Boys Fear to Tread

Flashback: Pink Martini - Brazil

Getting Back Together: Sleater Kinney - Light Rail Coyote

Wedding: Pierre Lapointe - Plaisirs Dénudés

Sex Scene: The Robber Who Robbed the Town - Intermission (hmm... couldn't have been that great)

Birth of a Child: Bad Astronaut - Disarm

Final Battle: Pink Martini - Una Notte A Napoli

Death Scene: Beatles - Help! (kind of funny, actually)

Funeral Song: Rolling Stones - Angie

Dance Sequence: Marco Calliari - Chitarra Romana

End Credits: Ian Light - The Breakup Waltz (BEST ending credits song ever. point final.)

...Strange how I got so much Pink Martini but no Chili Peppers. Who'd a thunk it?

I know it's been awhile, so sue me.

2007-04-07T09:59:00.000-04:00

Hmm. I don't know how I could type the sound I would like to start with. So just make weird noises, I'm sure you'll get it eventually.

I've been hanging out with Thea and friends all week-end, and I've decided that I can't fucking wait until I go to university. I'm serious, I really want to get out of cegep. I'm pretty sure the only thing that I want to stay for is to learn how to play guitar next semester. Other than that I just can't wait. I mean, Marco is being kind of an ass-hole lately, but he's still sort of the only person that I can hang out with most of the time, and I don't want to be totally mean and just blow him off completely, so I end up being a huge hypocrite and hang out with him anyways. Which is a shame, because I think he's becoming more and more of an ass as the days go by. He just thinks so highly of his mind, as if he's this big undiscovered genius. And I hate it when he acts that way, because he really isn't. He's a cegep student, not much better or worse than any other cegep student. He can put ideas together in his head, what a big deal. So can everyone else. I don't know, I used to think he was really nice and a little insecure, but now I'm not so sure. I actually think his attitude might have something to do with him being really insecure, but it's certainly not getting him very far.

I hate the way he looks down on me as if I was just an ignorant little girl. If I tell him not to do something because it offends me or because it's just plain mean, he gives a little laugh as if to say: "You're so cute when you get mad." which obviously doesn't help at all. I use to really like Marco, he was a lot of fun. And now I can hardly stand him, and I think it's really sad.

Okay, so that was a tangent. What I was setting out to say was that I can't wait to get into university because I find that going to cegep so far away just complicates things more than it should, and I just want to have an acceptable comuting time instead of three hours a day. I miss the theatre, and I miss my extra-curriculars. I miss my friends. And now that I've done something very, very general, I'd like to move on to something more specific. I really like that program at Ryerson, it's looking amazing. And I think I really would like to move in with my sister and the Boy. I had so much fun with them during March break, I couldn't believe it. And if only for a semester, I think it would be a really fun experiment to live with them. When I went it felt like family, but in a good way, sort of like a best friend would. I don't think they would act like over-protective hens at all, but they'd be able to show me the city and most of all provide wicked awesome company. I love them.

And while I'm acting spoiled and whiny (I'm allowed to, this is my blog), I also can't wait to get my laptop. In about a year from now I will. The new mac os will be out and probably cheaper than it is now, and since I'm moving out no matter what for university I will definitely need a computer. And as much as I love Archibald, I must admit that he's a little clunky for a small apartment. Not to mention he's not exactly portable. And call me weird, but I really, really despise using the school computers. They're old and slow and I can only use them in rooms filled with people trying to be quiet, so there's a constant shuffling going on that's a little irritating. Plus you always feel rushed in case someone might be waiting to use a computer, and if I'm writting an essay, I need to take breaks every once in a while and just surf aimlessly, it helps me regain my focus. And I always feel bad if I do that at school. Not to mention that if I don't have my usb stick with me I have to save on the school computers and send it to myself through email afterwords, which is another nuissance.

Jesus Murphy, I know some kids are dying of starvation out there. And I recongize that I am lucky to get any sort of computer at all. I guess this is part of Mr. Smith's human condition. We always want the things we can't always have.

I know I'm a loser, but...

2007-01-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help but copy and paste it hear. Is it juvenile and rediculous? Most definitely. Does that mean it's not fun? Never. I got this as a junk email and as I am bored I have decided to fill it out and post it here. I guess I've always liked random questions.

most trusted person: myself. Most of the time
favorite high school memory: I can only pick one? That's impossible.
what are you listening to rite now: Joey Cape and Tony Sly! Booyah.
who do you most treasure a relationship: silence
what brand is your phone: the kind the phone company makes. Really, who cares?
what do you not go a day without thinking about: the future
who do you hate: people who are superficial and think they aren't.
color shirt you're wearing: Now it's red and grey pajamas, but earlier it was apple green and electric blue.
desktop pic: two gummy bears pretending to be hitmen.
laptop? not right now.
how old are you? 17
have you ever met a star: yes. it wasn't very special.
which celebrity disgusts you: I don't really care.
sad music when your sad? yeah, I would say so.

have you ever been on a:
blind date: not that I remember.
road trip: fo'sho'. And I hope to go on many more before my life is over.
plane: you betcha.
train: every freaking schoolday.
the side of a highway: uh huh
a cd: no
tv: yes. but that's only because I passed a newscrew filming my college.
in a magazine: no

favorite:
celebrity: I don't really care.
color: every colour is my favorite, it depends on the context.
occasion: Hallowe'en and Christmas
lip gloss: the ones that smell (and taste!) good.
thing to do: stencil, sew, make stuff.
cd: uh... ...
memory: oh come on! just one?
food: pasta, indian beef curry.
song: um... I have no clue. It depends on my mood.
picture: any picture that's inspired and well-taken.
driving song: Radiohead's Kid A, but only at night.

Would you rather ....
work/study: work! I love baking.
save a tree or save an animal: I have to say animal. But the death of either sucks.
music or tv: music. no questions asked.
hot chocolate or coffee: oooh... I'm gonna say coffee.
red or pink: either/or.
wet feet or cold hands: cold hands! I've grown accustomed to my cold hands, I love them.
jewelry or make-up: jewelry, even if I still love makeup.
prom dress or vacation: vacation, as long as it's with my friends.
three people or four: three's a magical number, unless you're the third wheel. So four, because it's safer.
acdc or led zepplin: ac/dc, not because they're better technically, but they're more fun.
marital status: single
go out at night or day: both!
dance or sing: sing.
fancy or casual wedding: casual, but not too too much. It still needs to be special.
jeans or sweats: jeans

rant!

2006-11-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

aofudfdhsnfs.

My new friend is annoying. I mean, he's super cool and all, but he's freaking needy as hell! I mean, I needed to make an essay outline in two hours for an english exam, so I went to my locker with him, and he saw someone he knew and stopped to talk. So I just kept on going. Was it the most sensitive thing to do? Probably not. But that shouldn't be important, either. Suffice to say that I had other stuff on my mind? Stressful things that I needed to take care of?

Does this behavior warrant the emo email he sent me today asking whether or not I was angry with him, wanting to know what the truth about our relationship. Don't get me wrong, he's super cool and all. It's just that, well, his insecurities annoy the shit out of me.

I've got insecurities of my own! But with him it's always: "don't worry" "just go with the flow, it's going to be fine." "of course I like you." whereas he always says things like "wouldn't that bother you?" "I don't think I could deal with that." or other random crap of the sort. He questions, I console. He's fun but goddamn, he needs to get a freaking backbone.

Ugh.

I don't feel like typing anymore, so I guess this'll be a short entry.

later days!

Of cabbages and sealing wax

2006-08-03T21:44:00.000-04:00

So, Yeah! I love that poem!

This is me with power. That's right, after about thirty or so hours without electricity, I came home from Subway today to discover that everything worked! w00t! Actually, going to Subway was pretty cool. Mom and I got hungry and decided to go because I get a discount there, and as I'm paying Dylan walked in! It was so cool, his dad was gassing up on the way to Magog and he was checking to see if I was working. Which I wasn't, but we saw each other anyway. I thought it was pretty sweet. Mind you, I also ran into Tubbles, which was too bad. Luckily he was on his way out, or I don't know how I would have gotten rid of him. Goodness me, that kid's so annoying.

Speaking of annoying kids, Tall French Guy is coming to my house tomorow to pick up stuff for the retirement party. W00t. If there's anyone I particularly don't want to see at 9:30 in the morning, it's him. Ugh. Luckily, my day should get better afterwards. I've got CEGEP orientation tomorow! And I can register and everything! I'm so excited to start, I really can't wait. Well, I could deal with more summer, but really I don't mind either way. I hope I meet really cool people, because I sure as hell don't want to get stuck all by myself. Not that I ever really have, it's just that at Westwood my group of friends were so awesome. They weren't cliquey, they were all different but everyone got along. And I'm still making new friends from that school! I only ever really had a conversation with Mike Ness until the day we graduated. And he's such a nice guy, too! Only I hadn't really hung out with him before.

So yeah. I'm really worried about losing touch with all my great friends from over here though. I mean, if I was going to Abbott I would see them much more often, but since I'm not... It's a double-edged sword, that's for sure. I've had conversations about this too. I'll be talking to someone and we'll both be like: "We have to promise to call each other next year! Promise!" So I hope that this time around, it'll be different. I figure that since I'm not moving or anything, and neither is the mass majority of my friends either, we won't lose touch that easily. And I figure I could even get the two groups to co-mingle a little. Maybe some of my new friends will want to come down to Hudson and party with us, and maybe some of the friends that I have now will want to come down to Montreal and party it up there, too. I'm sure it'll work out, but this time, I would really like to keep the friends that I already have. And not just for visiting once-in-a-while, either. Which is what happened every other time I moved, except for Shabina. We stayed super close regardless. Well, not really anymore, but that's a long story.

I'm going to miss Thea an awfull lot though, but I know she'll be having tons of fun, I know she will.

In other news, I laughed pretty hard last night. Dylan told Chris all about what he couldn't remember on prom night, and Chris came up to me and apologized. I was pretty suprised, actually, he seemed very sorry indeed. But I told him not to worry, I thought (and still do think) that the whole story was awfully hilarious. Rendered all the more so because he didn't remember a thing. Mind you, I would hate to be in his shoes, I hate not remembering. So yeah.

I do have a confession to make though. I really hope that at the next party, I can get a ride with someone else because really now, I wouldn't mind drinking a little myself. Like, goddamn. I find it so annoying to see everyone getting progressively drunker and I'm just standing there like, "yep. I'm sober." I have a great time anyhow, but it does get a little frustrating when you're the only one that can really walk straight. So hopefully next time someone will provide me with a ride instead of the other way around, and then maybe I'll get drunk too! yay!

...wow, how alcoholic of me. I'm such a bad person. Jesus won't love me anymore. Good thing I don't believe in him then, eh?

...great, now I'm alcoholic and sacreligious. Super.

I think I'm going to go now before this gets any worse.

Later days! (yay, a reference to the Weekenders!)

Prom!

2006-06-29T21:04:00.000-04:00

So, prom was last night. And what a night it was! I really want to do it all over again. Everyone looked gorgeous, and afterwards the party was freaking awesome. I had so much fun, and it was so funny... I would like to do that again and again.

But yeah. I decided I would compile a couple guidelines for partying. You know, for my benefit and the benefit of the others around me. But mostly mine. So here are the few I've come up with so far.

Do what feels comfortable
Don't go to a party that you know you won't be comfortable in. Don't agree to do something that you're not sure you want to do. In other words, don't give in to peer pressure.

Wear a t-shirt
I know this one from personal experience. It's not that spaghetti straps aren't cool, but if you happpen to get wildly drunk, you might just end up with your top regurgitating your boobs and being too drunk to notice or to care. Besides, when I'm sloppy and staying up late, I find I'm more comfortable with a t-shirt either way.

Try to remember
Drinking, I admit, can be awfully fun at times. Sometimes it's just funny to be drunk. However, it's better to remember. Because if you can't remember, it probably means that you don't really want to either. Chances are you were making a complete fool out of yourself and you're better off not knowing too much.

Don't use alcohol as your excuse
Whatever you do, try as much as possible to not blame it ont the fact that you were drunk. I mean, if you're stumbling around or something dumb like that it doesn't matter, but I want to hear none of this "I hit so-and-so because I was drunk." or "I fooled around with such-and-such because I got trashed." And I know that this is harder than it seems, because sometimes, you're telling the truth when you're blaming your drunkeness. However, if you've done something, you can't change that fact, so don't always try to justify yourself. I'm sorry, but I don't really give a crap about your justifications. Either you did it or you didn't. This goes hand in hand with the next guideline:

Don't do things you know you'll regret
Unless you're completely out of control, which you shouldn't be, you've still got some judgement left. So use it. If you know you shouldn't be kissing that girl that's not your girlfriend, don't kiss her. You know you'll regret it, so stay away.

Pack a disposable camera
Capture the moment, but dont' kill yourself if you've lost the camera.

So, that's all for now because I'm tired. More to come later!

Here's to a great summer!

2006-06-06T18:15:00.000-04:00

Yay, I had such a great day today! No really, it was awesome and I enjoyed nearly every minute.

I went to the beach, I tutored for the last time, I finished two-thirds of my english exam, I got good results on my placement tests for college, I hung out with some of my favorite people... It was so great, and minus the school part, it was what summer is all about. Not even kidding, it was great. Except that now my shoulders are sun burnt and I'm going to get skin cancer. But considering all the fun I had, I can almost say it's worth it.

I wish every day this summer is as fun as this one was. I realise now that where I live in Hudson really isn't that bad a location- I'm out-of-the-way but in two minutes I can be by the lake. And in ten I can be downtown.

I really hope this summer I hang out with all my friends. I'm hoping people will be able to reach me and I'm going to try to call people more often. And since I'll be working I'll have more money and hopefully I'll be able to go out to concerts and movies more often. Oh dear, this reminds me of my first entry here where I was hoping for a summer just as cool. It didn't turn out quite the way I would have expected, but this one I'm determined to have fun. Besides, I'm closer to a lot of people this year, I've come a long way in my relationships and I think that it'll make a big difference.

I mean, looking back, this year I got closer with Whitney, Grace, Nadine, Bernie, Adam, Tom, Ben, almost all of my friends! And I'm still getting along great with Thea, Dylan, Adrian, Gabby, Peter, etc etc, so there aren't any reasons anymore that stop me!

Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time....

And I wanna keep singing that song all summer long!

So, I think I need a hug

2006-05-17T17:49:00.000-04:00

This post, I'm warning you now, is pretty emo. But hopefully I'll feel better afterwards.

I'm feeling fat and ugly lately, and that's not good. Ugly not so much, because everyonce in a while I'll look in the mirror and see someone that is sort of not completely hideous in a wierd sort of way. But I am feeling fat, and I wish I wasn't. So I've been doing more pilates, I hope they help.

Other than that I'm pretty stressed out. I have a math test on Friday that I don't feel I'm ready for, but there isn't any way around it. I'm not sure if I would be any more prepared if it was in two weeks, anyways. This worries me. How will I do on my final?

I'm also really dissapointed in myself because I don't think I'm a gold cord winner for convocation. I've been in honour roll all throughout high school, but I just found out I once got a 69% in math. Only one term, but I think I might have been completely screwed over just for that. And that majorly sucks. Because I'm left feeling as if my school marks mean absolutely nothing, and I hate that feeling. I've always worked really hard to keep my grades up, but one fuck up and no one will ever know. And it didn't even end up mattering for cegep at all, either. Erin Baumeister got into the same program as me at Dawson, and although I've never checked I know she doesn't get as good marks as me. I'm just... so dissapointed with the way things have worked out. It seems like there isn't really a point in working hard, because obviously I'm in the same boat as the people that put in a mediocre effort. Then again, maybe that's what I deserve. Maybe I am just mediocre.

I'm not really pretty.
I'm not really skinny.
I'm an okay singer.
I'm an okay artist.
I was an okay musician when I played.
I sort of know my way around computers but not really.
I'm not really unique, I mainly recycle ideas.
I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
My grades are alright, but not amazing.
I seem to be incapable of attracting any guy on this planet.
I'm not good with babies, children or animals.
I can't cook.
I'm not a very good writer.
I'm no good at sports, except maybe rugby. I'm an okay player. For a rookie.

Long story short, I'm not really exceptional in any way at all. I'm just a mediocre person in every sense of the word and there isn't any way to change that. I just feel like I'm letting myself down. I always wanted to be special, that's all. And coming to the realisation that I'm not just sucks.

I want someone to show me something happy. Just happy.

I want a fucking hug.

Just a phone call

2006-05-01T17:40:00.000-04:00

So, my ex-boyfriend from the ninth grade called me on Saturday. And I can't stop thinking about it.

I haven't seen him in a really long time, almost a year now, and I can't help but miss him. He's just... just different I guess. I don't know. Whenever we have conversations, he always ends up mentionning things that I completely understand, things that I go through myself, but that no one else ever talks about. Ever. I've heard him say things that made me go: "Oh my goodness, I'm not the only one that does that?" It's just really strange whenever I talk to him. It's hard to explain, but I guess that's just the way it is. The whole thing is rather unsettling though, because I thought I was over him, I was sure I was, but now... I talked to him for almost two hours and I would have gone on for double that time.

I felt kind of sad for him though, I really don't think he's doing well. I get the feeling that he's sort of letting go of things, that he doesn't really care about all that much anymore. And not to sound egocentric or anything like that, but I can't help but think that he called because he needs me there. He doesn't have that many close friends at all, and I couldn't help but get the feeling that he really wanted to see me. And what caught me off-guard was that I really wanted to see him too. I wanted him to come down and see me and hang out together and all that jazz. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him not to give up. I wanted him.

This summer my mom and I really would like to go see my sister, and if that's the case I'll see if I can take a day or two and go visit some friends in Cambrige. I miss all of them, but I think I miss him most. I guess it's because whenever I talk to him, it's like I feel connected. We used to have the weirdest things happen to us, and I miss that. A prime example is this one time, I had just heard this song by the Smashing Pumpkins called Ava Adore for the first time, and I was totally absorbed by it. I still love that song, but when I had first heard it I was nearly obsessed. So, needless to say, I had been listening to it all morning and was writting the lyrics down on a piece of paper when he showed up, listening to his mp3 player. He says: "Damn, I'm totally obsessed with this song." And when I asked him what it was, it was the same one. And I know that's just a coincidence, I know it's really trivial in the grand scheme of things, but stuff like that used to happen all the time between us, and I miss that.

Oh, dear. I think I've tumbled down the rabbit hole.

So.

2006-03-11T13:53:00.000-05:00

I don't actually have anything to write about today, but I've got time to kill before I need to get ready to go to work.

I'm feeling a little confused of late, but I can't explain why. I guess I'm just questionning myself. Which is kind of funny, because I'm confident in the choices I make, but I'm not sure about the person I am. Does that make any sense? Maybe it's because the people around me are stressed out, and then I start to worry about whatever it is they're worrying about for no good reason. Kind of as if someone I knew was really preoccupied with their hair, and then I would start getting worried about mine. Is it too curly? Too short? That isn't the case, but it's the best example I can find.

I need to stop worrying about what people think. And not just what people think of me, but what people think in general.

I need to stop procrastinating, because one day things will come up and bite me in the butt.

I need to start making resolutions I have the will to stick to.

Oh well, everything is changing soon anyway. The show starts in less than a week, and I'm going to Europe in less than twenty days. And then there's only the last sprint left, and I'm finished with high school. Forever.

Just think... No more math! :0

... But on these words of wisdom, I should get ready for work.

the afternoon girl

2006-02-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

Some people are night-time people, some are morning people. Today I realised how much of an afternoon person I am. I'm alright in the morning, and I'm alright at night, but in the afternoon/evening, I'm ON FIRE! Especially when it comes to homework. Get some good tunes flowing out of the speakers, and I can do anything!

I realised this today as I was coming home from school. I was listening to some really happy-making music and it got me into a really great mood. So when I got home I ate vanilla yogurt and hummus and carrots and then I had some crazy green tea with rose in it. It was tasty stuff. And then I had my french project to do, and I did three quarters of it in some record time like half an hour. It felt great. What a productive afternoon.

The only downside was that I didn't get to go to the Player's Club Youth Group meeting. But I did find out that we're going to put on Agatha Christies "Mousetrap" this year, and that's good news. Not to mention that with Thea and Dylan as directors it should be ten bagillion times better than last year. And I should really remember to borrow the play from Thea, I would like to read it fully so I can get an idea about costumes before I get to know the actual cast. So that way when I start making them with Kristy I won't have as much pressure from whiny actors that want a specific type of costume, because I'll already know what I want.

Today went by so nicely and felt so productive. I wish I had days like this all the time.

The Technicalities of a Hug

2006-02-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

Until yesterday night, I had never thought it was possible to describe a hug as "bad".

Over the rather short span of my life, I must say that I've been hugged quite a number of times. I must get about 4 hugs a day, and I've been alive for sixteen years and 331 days. Assuming that my ratio of hugs per day has always been constant, that makes a total of about 24 684 hugs in all of my lifetime. Sad hugs, comforting hugs, friendly hugs, warm hugs, all kinds of hugs.

But yesterday was TFG's birthday, and I had to go. And he hugged me, and it was the most awkward and uncomfortable thing. He's really tall (I'm talking somewhere along the lines of 6'7") and he felt the need to swoop down on you, so I ended up with this really tall thing slouching over me, and his arms went over mine so I was kind of stuck in this weird positions with the top of my arms pinned to one side while my forearms were wrapping around him, not to mention that the way he slouched made my back arch in a really awkward manner. And to add to that, he held on way too long and I didn't know what to do about it. It made me miss all my friends terribly.

Anyhow, all that to say that I didn't know a hug could technically go wrong. Sure, every once in a while you might be too enthusiastic and hit someone or something, but to have the actual hugging part of the operation go wrong... I can't help but think that this is the sealing wax on my confirmation that we are definitely not ment to be together. One day, I hope he finds someone who's hug lego clicks a lot better than ours.

Things I like

2006-02-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

I thought I would publish this list, because everytime I read through it my mood improves. Maybe yours will too!

The things I like (in random order):

- Dill the mannequin
- absurd humor
- stating the obvious
- books by Philip Pullman
- Prisma Color pencils
- labels + label makers
- stupid signs
- nicely drawn manga
- The Lord of the Rings + The Hobbit
- Tigana
- books by Doctor Seuss
- spoonerisms
- dictionary.com's word of the day
- vacant-looking gorillas with monarch wings
- typed emoticons ^_^
- pictures
- embroidery
- sewing
- crafting
- all my cds
- trying to be organized
- glitter lamps and lava lamps
- [really] low maintenance plants
- dressing up
- costumes
- wearing underwear
- dark humor
- re-reading favorite chapters
- eating
- making brownies
- Hallowe'en
- Christmas
- fun electives in school
- drawing
- the books on my bookshelf
- bright colours
- writting in pen
- being alone
- being with friends
- dancing
- going downtown
- weddings
- arguing/generally dissagreeing
- Sailor Moon
- Dollarama
- sketchbooks/scrapbooks/journals (mine or someone else's)
- cassettes
- silent movies
- window shopping on the internet
- the following websites: Think Geek, Threadless, Craftster, Gaia Online, Oh My Stars, Postsecret
- glue guns
- Fantastic Mr. Fox
- When We Were Very Young
- getting mail
- Barbie dolls
- Pirates and ninjas
- How to be a Villain
- bass guitar
- playing the clarinet
- guitar picks
- giving presents
- getting presents
- stealing small things from school, like masking tape and pens
- chewing on necklaces
- biting my hand when I'm thinking hard
- Archibald the computer
- Cameron the camera
- Christophe the mp3 player
- Alphonse the bass guitar
-feeling loved
- attention
- showing off things I've created
- Gloomy the Teddy Bear
- Grumly l'ourson
- decorating my agenda
- Marvin the plushie
- sleeping with Laurie the lamb puppet
- Westwood Elitist Snobs
- walking to a friends house
- making a magazing for journalism class
- my pink velcro shoes
- fun cartoon character band-aids
- enjoying things people have never heard about
- road trips
- Ikea
- Mr. Potato Head
- eating outside
- makeup
- Hello Kitty
- colouring
- socks
- tights
- bargain shopping
- empty bottles
- dried flowers
- the typing sound the keyboard makes
- preforming
- grace and elegance
- kitch
- boys
- siblings
- parents
- family
- big sunglasses
- dotting the "i" in my name with a star
- role playing
- planning things that might not ever happen
- pretty hand writting
- learning how to use Photoshop
- trying new crafts
- eyeballing
- band t-shirts
- cool t-shirts in general
- freshly died hair
- taking showers in the evening
- cool decorations
- trinkets
- travelling
- warm blankets
- sleeping
- waking up without an alarm
- chewable vitamin C
- unsliced bread

I'll add more when I think of them.

what if I don't want to go?

2006-02-01T18:51:00.000-05:00

Oh dear, I've just gotten the news that my mother, my father and I are all invited to Tall French Guy's birthday dinner along with some friends of my parents. My mother thought it was a grand idea and so now we're going. It's on the eighteenth or nineteenth, and I'm thinking:
"The food they're serving better be good..."

Because I don't want to go. I don't want to sit across from TFG and be thinking "what time is it now?" throughout all of supper. I want to sit at home and watch a C.S.I. marathon. No romance, just facts and murder. Boy, lately that's all I ever want to watch. That or Pulp Fiction. I'm tired of romance, it bores me to death.

Ha, he offered to take me out to see when a stranger calls. That movie looks like such a joke, I nearly burst out laughing. In fact, I did give out a chuckle or two. So, thankfully, I evaded seeing that movie.

God, this post makes me feel like such a snobby bitch. You know, I should be greatfull that I'm attracting some attention from the opposite sex. Then again, it's probably just because I'm the only girl he talks to, so he thinks I'm the only one there'll ever be. God, I'm so tired of being alone. So tired.

So yeah. I can't get rid of him. It's impossible. I think I might have to take Thea's advice and yell:
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU TALL FRENCH FUCK!" next time I see him. Probably not the best idea, but it's a guaranteed success...

ehg.

This is what happens when I get bored...

2006-01-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

I stole this off someone else's journal/blog/thing. It's cheesy, I know, but I'm bored and hungry and need something to do until lunch time.

1. Copy and Paste in your blog
2. Bold anything true
3. Leave plain anything untrue
4. I've decided to leave dumb comments in italic, if anyone's interested.

I hate my name.
I miss somebody right now.
I watch more tv than I used to.
I love olives.
I love sleeping.
I own alot of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is the best policy.
I like and respect Al Sharpton. pardon my ignorance, but exactly who is Al Sharpton?
I curse alot. but only if I'm mad or sad.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I have a hobby.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I've never broken anyone else's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. Although I can't really think of one right now, I think this is just one of those things that everyone has.
I love rain. I like rain, but I don't love it.
Im paranoid.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have minty fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one brother and/or sister.
I was born outside of Australia.
I shave my legs.
I have a twin.
I am actually wasting time doing this thing.
I couldnt survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look..sometimes.
I have friends.
I know how to do cornrows.
I am very pessimistic.
I have mood swings.
I think Britney Spears is pretty hot.
I have sort of cheated on a significant other.
I have a hidden talent.
Im always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I think that I'm popular.
I have dyed my hair.
I have kissed someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone. I *despise* talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I would rather eat than shop.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
Im bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
Im obsessed with my blog!
I dont hate anyone.
Im a pretty good dancer.
I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a mobile phone.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I have never been in a real, serious relationship before.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently have a crush on someone.
I am homosexual.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad or mad.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I like Disney Movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes.
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I really like someone.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh a lot.
I smoke a pack a day.
I can't swallow pills.
I've been out of this country.
I'm really ticklish.
I am comfortable with being me sometimes.
I play computer games/video games when I'm bored. w00t, Solitaire!
Gotten lost in the city.
Saw a shooting star.
I had serious surgery.
Talked to him for like 5 secs and made out.
Hugged a stranger. I haven't, but now it's definitely on my to-do list.
Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. This is on my to-do list as well.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents. I've sworn with my parents, but never at them.
Kicked a guy where it hurts.
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping. Not yet, but it is planned. It'll happen, I promise!
Broken a bone.
Played spin the bottle.
Gotten the chicken pox.
Ridden in a taxi.
Shoplifted.
Been fired.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
Stole something from your job.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
Saw someone/something dying.
Driven over 400 miles in one day. I've driven over 400 kilometres in one day, but I don't remember how many miles it was.
Been on a plane.
Consumed alcohol.
Run away from home.
Lied to your parents about where you are.
Hate more than love.
Own an MP3 player. And it's not an Ipod. *gasp*
Would wear pyjamas to school.
Eat fast food weekly. Only because I work at Subway. I haven't eaten in any other fast-food joint in years.
Believe in ghosts.
Can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
Seen a therapist or psychologist.
Love white chocolate.
Argued for the fun of it.
Made out in a moving vehicle.

a much needed update...

2006-01-27T16:34:00.000-05:00

So, boy turned out to be a fraud.

It's not as if he isn't nice, and it's not as if he only pretended to like me or something, it's just that it turns out I wouldn't go out with him if I was paid to. Like I said, he's nice and everything, but almost too much so. It turns out he's just not right. I think I want someone a little more witty, so to speak. You know, someone who'll have a good comeback to my stupid comments.

He made it kind of awkward though, considering he told me that eventually, he would really like it if I was his girlfriend. First off: I hardly know the guy, how can he know that's what he wants? Secondly, it makes me feel as if every nice thing he does for me from now on is just a maneuvre to get me to like him back. Somehow, I feel like he's see-through all of a sudden, and although there wasn't much interest once I got to know him, this just makes all the mystery dissapear and now it's boring. I know I have no male readers, but if any guy stumbles upon this one day, I would like to let you know that girls like a little intrigue! I do, anyway. I don't mean to say I want everything hidden from me, but I don't want to know about everything that goes through your head, either. It's fun to try and guess sometimes!

In other news, I finally got out of chemistry. Now I'm in drama! It's wierd, though, because I'm more nervous about going into drama than I was about going into chemistry. Chemistry involves no expression, it's just learning equations off by heart and applying them to different situations. However, drama is all about interpretation and you get judged on whether or not that interpretation reaches out to people. To me, the latter is much more challenging. I'm happy about it though, I think I'll have much more fun.

I have work tonight, but that's okay because I didn't have any exams today, so I got to stay home. That is, I got to go find stuff for Grad Dinner. Yay, Grad Dinner! It's a mardi gras theme this year, and I'm super excited about it. I get to have the gaudiest jewlery and makeup ever concieved, only to get complimented on my atire. Who could ask for more?

On these words of wisdom, I think I'm going to take off. Dinner is soon, and in the meantime I've gotten addicted to solitaire. :)

boy?

2005-12-18T20:58:00.000-05:00

So I met this tall french guy called Marc-Antoine. I only talked to him for about thirty seconds while I was at work, and he seemed really nice, or as nice as can be for a guy I've only known for thirty seconds. But he got my phonenumber and called me tonight, just because, and ended up talking for nearly an hour, then invite me to go play video games at his house over winter break.

What am I to make of all this?

Either way, he's a sweet guy.

Eh, no more rehersals 'till the fourth. w00t! Not that I mind rehersals all that much, but a break is always nice. And school ends this week, which is another plus. My sister is coming down for New Years, along with her husband. Double plus? You bet. I need to get their t-shirts stenciled though. I also need to send my brother his Christmas gift. It feels weird to admit that I won't see him at all during the holiday season. Somehow it doesn't really feel like Christmas at all without my brother and sister present. And although I will see my sister and boy over the holidays, I won't see Phil at all. Weird? I thought so too.

I miss all three of them.

But the rest of my life is fully functional and loving it. I think my period of angst at the beginning of the school year is just November blahs. I got the same overwhelming angst feeling in grade ten too, so maybe it's just a seasonal thing.

And I just realised I don't want to type anymore.

I'm only happy when it rains

2005-12-06T20:37:00.000-05:00

Thank Garbage for making such an emo song, while still making it so incredibly happy-making at the same time. "Pour your misery down..." Ah, what a song. I'm thinking about making an uber-cool t-shirt with some of the lyrics. It's designed already, but I won't say more here unless the big designers are secretly watching my every move in order to imitate my genius. Shifty eyes....

What a great feeling. I'm happy lately. Perhaps being tired made me angsty, and then becoming more tired just made me give up on being in a bad mood. It takes up too much energy. I was talking with Jade yesterday, and it was such a good talk. We were talking about our dreams for cegep and beyond, and how they were actually possible. It was such a good talk, scheming about things we never thought we could accomplish in a million years and yet that seem so reachable now. Plastered a smile on my face for the rest of the day, I can tell you that. Especially when I started scheming about taking the Player's Club Youth Group on the road. It would be the funnest road trip ever. And if we took a camera along with us, we could make the memories last forever, too. eeeee! I want to do it so bad, just to go back to my old school once more in triumph. You know, a victory lap. Say hello to old friends, make them meet new friends. If they haven't changed, they would get along so well with the gang here. And if they have, at least I'll have new friends to look down on them with. Tee-hee, I really want to do that, it sounds like so much fun.

Aiiee, I think I have a better idea for my prom dress. Think Contemporary Pirate Jacket without sleeves. And it's completely runway material, not even pret-a-porter. I have the pattern, but no intstructions other than a sew-along thread in a forum. Not to mention I'll need to make the jacket bigger than it actually is. Should I? I think so. I think that now that I've had this idea, any other will seem too easy. As for the colour scheme, I'm thinking black and aubergine (which is a deep purple kind of colour, in case you don't know). Of course, if I wanted to I could also add a flash of scarlet somewhere. Hmm... possibilities, so many possibilities. I wish I could exploit them all.

garble garble garble

2005-11-23T21:09:00.000-05:00

New job!

And while working at Subway might not be the most luxurious job, it's a lot funner than Howard Johnson, gives me much more hours and even pays more (we get tip!). Not to mention the owners aren't a forgetfull lying bitch and a pseudo-chipper man. Thank goodness for that. Plus, they actually do the job that they're employees do, so they know wether or not they're demands are crazy. Cool? I thought so too.

I want to go bungee jumping. I want to go now. Screw the brain damage. I want to jump off a bridge. That way, when someone asks me "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" I can respond with: "Actually, I've jumped off bridges before on my own time, without anyone else. In fact, I even paid for it. So HA!" Oh, the triumph.

Seeing as this post is headed the random way, I might as well continue the trend.

It kind of makes me sad that all my friends ever have to look forward to is getting high, or getting drunk. It's not that I'm against those things at all; I don't really care whether or not you drink/get high or not. It's just that, it's really too bad that that's the only there is to look forward to. Is it because there really is nothing else, or is it just because our minds are wired that way? Am I the one that's warped? I don't want to sound like I'm scoffing them, because really I'm not. It just makes me wonder. It just seems that most people I know have only that to look forward to, and I don't know why. Is it really that fufilling? Am I just weird? Hmm, maybe it's just because whenever I feel like getting drunk, it's because I'm going through an awful time and I just want to sleep and forget.

Wow, I must sound like a complete bitch. I apologize to any of my readers that enjoy getting smashed, I don't mean to come off sounding all high-and-mighty. I'm just trying to understand, so please don't get me wrong. I feel bitchy already, and I haven't even hit the submit button yet.

[complaint]
I am so freaking tired, it's not even funny anymore. 12 hours of work a week, plus 2 hours of tutoring, plus 5-7 hours of rehersals, plus school, plus homework. Damn, it really gets to you after a while. It makes me wonder. Maybe kids don't just commit suicide because they're depressed. Maybe they just want some sleep. It's just that, I wake up and my head feels so incredibly heavy, and all I ever really feel like doing is sleeping. Any day, anywhere, just ask me what I feel like doing. 95% of the time it'll be "Sleep, no questions asked." As I type this my eyes are having a hard time keeping open. It's not yet 9:30. Then again, I know I'll have to wake up at 6 tomorow, so maybe I should go read a book or something until sleep claims me. Shouldn't take long.
[/complaint]

Good night. With luck, my alarm clock will explode, there will be ten feet of snow in the morning and the teachers will go on strike Monday. Then my work will call and tell me their paying me to stay home, because I'm that cool. And while I'm at it, I'd like an mp3 player.

And a pony.

better now

2005-11-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

I quit my job yesterday and I feel better now. They tried to put me on-call, so I told them that I would look elsewhere for a more dependable form of employment. Now I'm really hoping one of my resumes that I handed out on Saturday will work out, because if not I majorly screwed myself over. But what's done is done, so I will accept it and won't look back. And if I have it my way, I will never darken the doorway of the Howard Johnson Inn ever again.

The teachers are voting about the strike/contract/e.c.a. ban tonight, I really hope it works out for them. God, I want to be part of the new school government system, the debate club, rugby, the europe trip. And if I want to make those things work, I need the teachers to be able to take part in extra curricular activities. Oh, I hope it works out. I don't want to lose my three-hundred-and-something dollars already invested in the trip. I want to make my school a better place. I want to argue with people I don't know. I want to run around in the mud. I want e.c.a.'s. And if I'm not mistaken, the teachers do as well.

Meh. Feeling sort of weird todays. A mix of bad-weather-blahs and warm feelings about Christmas that's coming and friends and going to the Book Fair on Thursday. I can't wait, I want to buy tons and tons of books and read them all and love them. I love books. In fact, if I inherited a million dollars tomorow at least half of it would go towards literature. The other half would probably go towards sewing and crafting.

Speaking of which, I've had a mighty idea today. Next year I'll be going to cegep. And I know this'll sound really girly, but I want to look good. Not necessarily for other people, but I always feel that when I look at myself in the mirror, I'll feel more confident if I'm looking good. So I figured that this summer, before I'm tied up with too many bills to pay, I'll take at least half a paycheck and buy nothing but different fabrics and stuffs. I'll make shirts and tops and skirts and dresses and a bunch of different bags to mix and match. Or I'll start doing all that this year, and my goal will be to have a certain number of things done before cegep starts. That would be awesome. I've been thinking of making myself a big black tote bag for this winter, because I always find that small bags make winter coats look even bigger. I could embroider something cool on it in beige to make it go with my coat, too. And if I make the design myself, I'll be able to count it as an art project too. w00t! I've been thinking about launching some sort of clothing company in recent times, and I think I've finally hit on a fun name. How does "Frisky Kitten" clothing company grab you? I thought it was cute and kind of catchy, which I figure is what you need if you're selling to girls. And if I start selling to guys as well later on, then I'll make a different name for that line. But for now, it's just for girls because that's all I can handle. Now I just need a place to sell. I'll talk to Ginette at Facade, because independant stores are more likely to do consignment. I'll try Shabby Chic as well, just to cover the bases. You never know. I'll also look into consignment for pixelgirlshop.com too, but I need to research it more before hand.

Oh god, I'm such a girl. Isn't it great?

God. Fucking. Damnit.

2005-11-11T19:58:00.000-05:00

Did I tell you that everything was going well?

Did I forget to mention I'm silly and naive?

Things were going well, I can assure you. But now...

My job cut my hours down last week. I start an hour later on both Saturday and Sunday now, which means less cash for me. I can't work later on Sundays, so unless I get to be a bus girl I doubt I'm getting that hour back. As for Saturday, I told them last week that I would be glad to work in the afternoon as well. I still don't know if they'll give me those hours though. My parents, to put it mildly, weren't thrilled.

Apparently I didn't put my foot down hard enough.
Apparently I need to tell them that if they don't give me hours, I quit.
Apparently I haven't put forth enough initiative.
Apparently they expected better from me.

Apparently I should set my priorities right.
Apparently the Hudson Music Club wasn't the greatest idea.
Apparently I should quit.

"Maybe you should quit your job and forget about Europe, and then you could go to rehersals everyday."

Fuck you and your mother.

Fuck my managers.

Fuck my foolishness.

Fuck money.

Fuck priorities.

FUCK EVERYTHING

challenge idea in response to Thea's comment

2005-11-10T20:54:00.000-05:00

Great idea, Thea, the challenge idea sounds like fun. Yours sounds rather difficult though, in more than one way. I understand not wanting anyone to read certain things, I've got a book full of secret thoughts in my room. So trying to find it would be fun, but I think I would end up feeling bad if I did. But it's definitely interesting. I'll probably try to find it and end up failing miserably, so no worries.

I thought of an interesting challenge to give you though. I will make a mix tape (possibly a cd, but preferably a cassette) and hide it somewhere in Hudson. I'll give you a couple clues to where it might be hiding, and you'll have to find it. Of course, I'll plant it on a day that I know you have time. Possibly on Thursday the 17th? I'll give you the heads up if you're willing to do it. I got the idea off a mixtape project I read about on the internet. The goal was to make a mixtape, plant it somewhere and above that place, stencil a specific image of a tape and an arrow. Then you leave it be and hope someone finds it. I thought it was so cool, I've been trying to think of how I could do my own version.

Anyhow. That's my blurb. Craft challenges would be ace too though, no questions asked.

2005-11-09T16:12:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahahahaha... I was a-thinking today, and I realised that I hadn't thought about my ex-boyfriend in probably more than a week. And that thought didn't bother me at all. Quite the contrary, it brightened my day a little.

It's not that I'm totally anti-love and that I want to grow up and live all alone for the rest of my life with a really high-paying job and an adopted child or anything, but I'm glad to know that I'm not so angsty about things anymore. I'm glad that I don't have the burden of loving someone like that when I can't see them more than twice a year. It makes me feel a little more free, I guess.

I suppose this post is going pretty much nowhere, but you'll have to forgive me this time. Why is it that I always find angsty posts will be more interesting for anyone reading this? Is it because I find that depressing stuff interesting myself? Who knows. I have discovered recently though that I thouroughly enjoy reading peoples blogs and journals. I couldn't tell you why, but there's something rather intimate about all of it and it makes me feel like I know the person better when I can read their random thoughts. I guess it's also because it's easier for me to really listen to someone's problems and stuff when they're written down. That way it's impossible for me to interrupt, impossible for me to stop them from finishing their thought. Maybe it helps me understand them some more.

Perhaps I only keep a blog in the dim hope that someone out there will be interested enough to read it. Consider it my pay-back for reading a bunch of blogs written by people I don't know.

I want more curried salmon, like I had for dinner yesterday. That stuff was freaking awesome. Either that or some curry dip with plenty of vegetables. Or a cup of homemade hot chocolate by the fire. Or chicken pot pie. Or a big Christmas dinner. Shut up, you're making my mouth water.

Speaking of Christmas, the time has come for me to start thinking of what I'm getting my friends/family for Christmas. Or what I'm crafting them, for I lack the funds to buy them anything. Most of my friends will get a pretty card, no doubt. Kaela will get a gift because she's great, but I don't know what yet. It'll probably be something to do with an anime she likes, like last year. Thea will probably get a birthday-Christmas gift hybrid, I hope she doesn't mind. She'll probably understand though, so I'm not too too worried. My sister and her husband get a box full of crafted things, such as bracelets, trinkets, stenciled things and other random crap I hadn't thought of yet. My dad will probably get pajama pants with a little something. I'm not sure about my brother. I'd be tempted to get him something geeky, but I'm not sure how big his apartement is. I think I might just stencil him a super awesome t-shirt or something of that sort. As for my mom, I'm still lost. I'm thinking I want to get some fancy, fuzzy black yarn and knit her a great scarf to go with the fancy coat she bought herself in Ottawa. It's purple, so a black scarf would look nice. Especially if the yarn is cool and soft. Yeah, she might like that.

Wow, that was random. I think the better my mood, the more scatter-brained my posts get. Go figure.

Computer appreciation

2005-11-03T20:02:00.000-05:00

Hello, Archibald. How are you feeling today?

I just thought I would let you know how much you rock. Although my chair is not as comfortable as it could be, I still find myself staring into your backlit screen day after day. The little tune you play when I wake you up, along with the small noises that the scanner makes feel more like a greeting than a random thump of machinery. Oh, Archibald, you're a computer with a wonderfully good temper.

And it's official, Marianne spends way to much time developping personnalities for innanimate objects, however you spell that. I guess I'm in a good mood today.

Funny, I was about to talk about what I did today, and the really awesome food my mom made for supper, when I realised that whenever I'm in a good mood I seem to go on and on about random stuff that probably no one cares about. It's strange how people spill so easily whenever they're angsty, but when they're in a good mood they talk about something other than emotions. Interesting, interesting.

Nadine was in a bad mood today and I don't know why. Perhaps it's because she hurt her sister by accident or something, but she seemed really touchy in media class. I wish there was something I could have done to make her feel better, but I just don't know what I can do. I suppose sometimes it's best just to let the bad mood pass without making a big deal about all of it. Maybe the best thing I could do is conk Thea on the head really hard, because then she might get some rest. God, she's so tired lately, I feel bad. It's like, sometimes I feel busy, then I think of everything she's doing and end up feeling cheap. After all, I don't think I do half the stuff she does. I guess it's good to put things into perspective sometimes, although every once in a while it would feel nice to complain about being tired. Ah, complaining wouldn't change anything anyways, and I bet it builds character.

According to the teachers the E.C.A. ban will probably be lifted next week. Yay, Europe! Mr. Miller came to see Nadine, Dylan and I during media today and asked us if we wanted to take part in the student government once the ban is lifted. I bet Mr. Cross is expecting me to debate again this year. Student Government? Probably. Sounds like fun. Debating? I'm still not sure about it, so I think it's just one more of those things I'll shove into the back of my mind and think about later. I think I'll end up joining though, just to have one more e.c.a. on my application for cegep.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well right now.

overwhelming

2005-10-30T19:48:00.000-05:00

Hallowe'en party yesterday, it was so fun! I was so happy to see Kim, she still rocks my world even though I haven't seen her for a while. Goddamn, what a great gal. She just never gets any less cool, and I was uber happy to see her again. I didn't get to go to her going away party, so it was even better to party with her again.

It was weird though, I got a lot of comments about how quiet I was being. I think some people thought I was sad or something, which is strange because it was an odd time when I wasn't at all unhappy. I guess it's just because I'm not very good at partying (if there is such a thing) and big, loud, drunken get-togethers sort of overwhelm me. I just never know quite what to do with myself, so I end up not doing anything I guess. Maybe I'm just not so social as I think I am after all. Whatever.

Being quiet at parties does give you interesting oportunities to think about your life though. More so than it seems, believe me. For instance, at Peter's yesterday I ended up wondering why it was that I couldn't seem to get any action. A silly thought, I'll grant you, but that's what happens when you find yourself in your own little world around a bunch of silly people. I thought to myself: "Maybe I should have a tap list too." Unfortunetly, this morning I kept on thinking and came to several good conclusions why I shouldn't.

A) I'm just a silly little girl, and quite frankly I would feel so foolish and awkward about it that I would probably rip it up withing the first five minutes of writing it.
B) I'm just a silly little girl, and I wouldn't know how to go about completing it anyways. I've always had troubles approaching people.
C) I'm just a silly little girl, and I would probably end up telling someone about it, and that person would tell everyone else, and then every girl would think I was slutty and every guy on the list would avoid me at all costs.
D)It wouldn't work out anyways because no guy would be willing anyways.

I realised that I'm just one of those girls that chose long ago to be a girlpal by accident instead of a girlfriend, and somehow the package I chose didn't come with benefits of any kind. Nadine says I've got personality up the wazoo, but unfortunetly that doesn't come with the added bonus of reminding the guys around me that I've got tits under that shirt. Personality doesn't equal sexiness, and that's that. Nadine might not think she's got a great personality (even though she's uber cool), but she's still got monster sex appeal.

I tried kidding myself by saying there just wasn't anyone cool enough. However, by stating that I prove myself to be nothing more than an elitist, snobby bitch and therefore it makes me no cooler than anyone. So I'm back to square one, without any idea of how to go forwards. Perhaps guys just think I'm needy with a touch of depression, and it pushes them away or something. Could be. Either way, results are the same. And maybe the results are all that matter in the long run anyways.

Sorry I'm being such a baby guys. I know I've got great friends, and if any of you are reading this don't think you're not doing a great job, because you are. I just need to unload my angst somewhere, so it all goes here.

Love to and from Thea

2005-10-24T15:21:00.000-04:00

These are the questions....

1. I'll respond with something random i like about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

This is what Thea told me...

1. everything... ummm... yah everything... YOur hair the factthat you make your own clothes, your awesoem stenciling techniques, the fact that you got along really well with my camp friends, ummm.. the factthat we wanted to go into the same program befor we even... you know talk about it. I love it
2. ummm... the frend song from moulin rouge, heathers, the "squirrel song", wind in your sails, empire recordes, Almost famous... there is so much more...
3. What would happen, is that We would take all thejello out, and replace it with mud, and have a mud wreatle. THen we would eat all the jello. As for what kind, we would OBVIOUSLY make it ourselves, so we would go to the IGA, and probably buy the most intreating sounding one, or we'd mix the ones that would look the cooles. So eather tropical strawberry kiwiw punch, or Bleen (blue and green)
4. Oh... my god.... I thinkmy brain just exploded... theres too much to choose from..... hmmm...:
-SQUIRELL!!!!
-lets watch when harry met sally
-dating ben. And being late for rehersal!!! (I'm soorry jon!!!!)
-We may look happy but its a lie, WE'RE MISRABLE ( that includes all the other vintage humor things)
-Reform school??????
-you marring dylan
-Evan. Enough said. Although I think everyone else might get that one.
-And finally....(even though there is sooo much more).... :)
5. You sittin gdown at lunch with us and me telling you I loved what you were wearing and that I loved you make up, and then in french when you cam over to sit with me.... heehheee, and the last one, (i know its only supposed to be one memeory... but I lose!!!) watching ed wood.... oh so long ago.
6. a sex kitten/bunny. But probably kitten.
7. alrgiht, I know this is sorta a sentive subject, but do you like anyone (or have you), and who?

And this is what I would like to respond with...

1. The way you gesture. I can't explain why, but it's rather unique and funny, and it's just one of the ways you rock. Um, the way you always seem to have the same ideas as me without realising it. The fact that you're a complete dreamer but that you can be super mature as well.
2. In the song category, definitely "total eclipse of the heart". I heard that on the radio in a store the other day, and I refused to leave until it was over. SO worth it. Um, other than that, pretty much anything comming from the eighties, or Sunday Clothes or The Telephone Hour. As for movies, Adventures in Babysitting is pretty high up there, as well as When Harry met Sally (even though I've never seen it...) and The Young Ones, even though that's not technically a movie.
3. I'm up for the jell-o mixing idea. However, I think we probably wouldn't end up fighting in the jell-o, we'd probably end up fighting with the jell-o. And the jell-o would be cut into animal shapes with cookie cutters.
4. BITE ME, JACKASS!!
167 hours!!(Actually, by now it must be about fifty two hours and a half)
SQUIRREL!
A lot of people get this one, but it's rather funny either way: Thank you Wobin!
Same goes with "Reform School?"
And before I spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about it, Perhaps I'll sto here.
5. First day of school at lunch, I'm sitting down with the only person I recognized from another class, which was Anne-Marie. Dylan came out and said: "Why, you look like a wonderfull human being", as he sat down. Then out you ran behind him going: "I want to meet the wonderful human being!" Good first impression, if I do say so myself.
6. A bunny, or a chipmunk.
7.What have I always wondered about you? I can't think of anything satisfactory at the moment, so I'll have to take a rain check on that one.

Thea, you rock my socks. And to answer your question in #7, as far as I'm concerned the answer is no. I've blamed that largely on the fact that I wasn't over my ex-boyfriend for a long time. But that has changed, so now I'm just waiting for someone cool enough.

BITE ME JACKASS

boring entry

2005-10-20T20:21:00.000-04:00

167 hours thirty eight minutes until the Dresden Dolls concert starts. Can you tell I'm excited?

I started tutoring today, it was an interesting experience. I think the kid is smart, he just doesn't pay enough attention. For instance, he has a dictation tomorow so I made him practice for it. I told him to read it over, and although he did, I don't think he payed much attention to it. Result: So. Many. Mistakes. But I corrected it along with him and by the third try he was down to something like three mistakes. So I was pretty impressed. I think I'm going to make him read a book in french so he gets used to using the language more often. I'm sure he could benefit from it.

You probably don't care about this, so I'm going to talk about something else.

Much More Retro freaking rocks. All eighties music, all the time. It's the perfect network. the only thing it's missing is pop-up video, I love those shows. Unfortunetly though, I just found out that now it has commercials. That sucks. Whatever happened to 24/7 videos? I don't want to see fucking advertisement, I want to feel that eighties vibe, man. This makes me sad.

Holy fuck, Arsenic and Old Lace was on t.v. Since when? Man, I got to flip through the boob tube more often, just so I can see what awesome movies are playing.

I want sleep. I want to sleep in.

Today Kaela and I played the "I want" game, for lack of better term. It consists simply stating, in turn, what one wants but doesn't necessarily need. It's fun, especially when you run out of things and end up saying things like: "I want a pet tiger."

Tee hee.

God, this must be such a boring entry.

cooling down

2005-10-18T16:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry about yesterdays post guys, I just needed to get that out of my system. Under the bad points, I showed my uber self-centered bitch side. Under the good points, it did trigger some pondering on my part and I did get a few answers.

See, what I realised is that what a lot of people want in a boyfriend/girlfriend these days is someone with mild personality, smart enough to laugh at their jokes but not bright enough to prove them wrong. Therefore, when two slightly dim-witted people find each other, they end up liking each other and going out. Fait accompli.

Sadly, I don't think I fit into that category. I'm not smarter than the average person, that's for sure, but I definetly don't want the same things. I need someone who will challenge me. I need someone to argue with. I don't want someone who'll laugh at all my jokes, I want someone who will question them.

Now, I already do have a couple friends that do that for me, but they are friends and nothing more. This, I suppose, is where things get more complicated. What's wrong with these guys? Who knows, but something tells me we're much better off friends. But I'm one step further to solving the mystery than I was twenty four hours ago, so there's that.

It is entirely possible I've missed the mark completely, but at least for now I feel a little more fufilled.

On a different note, I think I should hire Thea as my publicist or something. She got me another tutoring job, I can't believe it. What a gal, she gets an extra big Christmas present this year.

excess angst

2005-10-17T16:43:00.000-04:00

Hold me still as I slit my imaginary arms with toy razor blades.

As I was walking home today I finally admited to myself that I actually wish I would get hit by a car or something and end up in critical condition at the hospital, just so I could put my life back into perspective by saying stupid things like "well at least I'm still alive." Too bad, no such luck so far.

I had a shit day today. Excuse my patheticness, but I just have to shout out how everyone's getting dates but me. Don't try to argue, because I'm too self-centered to listen.

Sorry I'm being such a bitch, I'm just being carelessly angsty today. Forgive me, tomorow I might try harder.

I will grow up to be a bitter woman with too many cats

2005-10-16T17:03:00.000-04:00

Before I start, I would like to state that I am angsty. At this point in time, however, I don't really give a flying fuck. A good friend once told me that once angst was acknoledged the healing process was sped up, but I regret to inform you all that this hasn't worked for me so far. Moving on...

I'm really, very lonely. I've tried watching anti-romance movies, but those just made me bitter. I've tried watching lovie-dovie chick flicks, but then I get depressed because I wish my life were a fairy tale. I've tried reading books, hanging out with friends, working, doing more homework, spending time with my mom, spending more time by myself making things, keeping a journal, surfing the internet and shopping, but the fact is that I am lonely. I am over my ex-boyfriend. It is possible I never see him again and that's okay. However, I have realised that this situation means that I have nothing left to hold onto. I don't even have the dim hope that one day I'll go back to Ontario and meet with him again. My only hope now is that I don't developp an allergy to cats any time soon, because if that's the case than I'm really fucked.

"Don't be like that Marianne, everyone loves you."

That's funny, when's the last time someone held my hand? Try nearly two years ago.

"If I were a guy I'd been in your pants in a second."

Then dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians, because I'm pretty sure that's all the action I'm capable of getting.

And yet, throughout all this time, no one has been able to answer me the following question: "What in the fucking world is wrong with me?" I have a great life, I shouldn't even be contemplating the thought of beginnning to complain. I get okay marks in school, I like to laugh and I have a couple friends. And yet, I'm unhappy. I am an angsty emo child, there's no escaping it. I am wrong. Somehow, in some strange way, I am wrong inside. Thank goodness for postsecret though, or else I would think I am the only one. Too bad the feeling of "you are not alone" doesn't have an effect though, I wish it did.

To quote Modest Mouse:
"As life gets longer, awfull feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me."

The danger here, though, is that I end up falling for any/every guy that will hold a conversation with me. Of course, when I am rudely awakened by the fact that we're just friends and that's it, it costs me another tear. Or two. Or three. I am a naive little girl, that's what.

Maybe I should just live up to my stereotype and start cutting my arms to bits.

"Now you're just being stupid."

Fuck off. I'm always stupid on the inside.

nice to see you too

2005-10-13T18:23:00.000-04:00

Hi mom. I haven't seen you and dad for three days. How was your trip?

Fine. We had a great time. Why was the floor dirty near the carpet? Why is there a hose on the balcony?

[explanation]

Did you watch a movie?

Yes.

Did you eat popcorn?

Yes, sorry I didn't clean it all up.

What else did you eat?

Potatos, soup and an egg.

Butter tarts too, right?

Right.

Why didn't you tell me you ate butter tarts? You're not telling me the whole truth.

Um, sorry, I forgot.

This conversation was followed by plenty more drilling about what I did during their trip. God fucking damnit. I wanted so badly to flip her off and walk out, but I decided it would be a bad idea. It was still really annoying though. Why the fuck would she care how many towels were used? Why would she think that if I forgot to mention butter tarts I was flat out lying? What, does she think my house became the drug addict haven while she was gone or something? It pissed me off so much. For shits sake, I actually wanted to know how her trip went, and all she did for twenty minutes was act all scandalised because I had more than one person over to film, and that I filmed a scene that included me [fully clothed] in the shower.

"I just don't think you would have done all this if I was home."

You can fucking bet I would have. So stop being so paranoid.

In her defense, she did apologize later. She realised she was being crazy, and she said she was sorry. So I totally forgive her for it, but I just needed to rant about it a little. If you ever read this, mom, forgive me.

Anyhow, you can tell it's not such a big deal by the size of the rant. It's pretty big, and I could go on. And when it comes to me, my biggest rants are the most trivial. You can tell I'm having a serious problem when I start being super rational. And the less I talk about it, the less I know how to express it, the more serious it is.

Eh. It was a fun three days though. Filming worked out superbly, and cancelled rehersal was cool too. Having Thea over was awesome though. Almost falling asleep during Arsenic and Old Lace was totally fun. I think everything gets more fun when you're doing it with a friend though, everything just seems cooler.

I don't want to type anymore.

just a little vent

2005-10-03T20:38:00.000-04:00

Ugh. So, filming today was fun, granted we didn't actually have a memory card so we have to start over again tomorow. That's not so fun, but it'll still work out fine, I know it will. I'll even bring my digital camera just in case we can't get a video camera from the media lab.

My dad went out today and bought a suit for the gala thing he's going to next week. It kind of pisses me off though. I won't say exactly how much he paid for what he bought, but it's fucking expensive. If I took the exact same amount he spent on two shirts and two ties, I could have at least four whole outfits. Ten if I made them myself. What's up with that? I just don't understand how anyone, no matter how well paid, can justify spending that much on clothes. It's just a piece of fucking cloth! And you know what, I don't blame the designers for this, not one bit. Things only sell for how much people are willing to pay for them, and if I was in their shoes, I would be charging big bucks too. Hey, their aim is to make profit, so how can I blame them? I blame the people for not looking for a better bargain. Whatever happened to my deal-down dad? Whatever. I hope it's a nice suit at least.

Dear me, I will have absolutely no time to do any homework tomorow. Oh dear, I wish I cared.

However, I do have some english reading to catch up on.

Goddamn, i really don't want to go to school tomorow. However, I can't wait until next week. My parents are gone for two nights, and I think I'll invite Thea over for one of them. It's been a long time since we hung out just her and me it seems, I miss that.

Eh, going to read now. G'night everyone bored enough to read this!

something strange

2005-09-30T19:21:00.000-04:00

Indeed, there is something not quite normal in my mind. I haven't told anyone yet because I'm worried it'll turn into the boy who cried wolf. But I can't shake the feeling, there is something happening.

For the past couple days now, whenever my mind wanders about like a lost caterpillar through my lawn, whenever I happen to find myself thinking of my ex-boyfriend, it doesn't hurt quite so much anymore. Suddenly, it's as if the term "ex-boyfriend" doesn't seem so wrong anymore. Although I'm not completely certain, I do believe I might be getting over him.

I think this might have happened quite abruptly, actually. I think I came to grips with the fact that I won't see him again for a very long time, and that perhaps that chapter in my life is over. I loved him, that's for sure. However, I think that the feeling may be passing. I am changing, and so are my emotions.

Unfortunetly for me, this probably won't change much. I have this strange tendency to remain single for quite a long time without ever meaning to. I suppose the reason for this is painfully obvious to anyone that has a loose grasp on at least one of the five senses, but for some reason I remain oblivious to it. Maybe I should wear more push-up bras or something, I don't know.

Eh, I guess I'll live. It's just that I'm so worried that one day I'll end up bitter and alone, that I'm already feeling bitter about it. The same feeling when I can't understand a certain math problem for the life of me but everyone else is smiling happily, understanding perfectly while talking about their significant others. Ugh. Maybe I stink and no one's had the guts to tell me. Maybe my voice is annoying. Maybe my skin is rough and no one wants to hold my hand. Maybe I'm just ugly.

Or maybe not. Maybe, just maybe, I'm just wrong in some way that I don't know about. Maybe it's just something I do that makes me undesirable.

That's a lot of maybes. And yet, no answer comes. I should probably start looking into buying some cats and tacky clothing.

Dinner time.

a good weekend

2005-09-25T20:31:00.000-04:00

Three day weekends are rarely bad but can sometimes be boring. Fortunetly, boredom wasn't the case for this one.

On Friday I went shopping with my mom, which was kind of useless since we didn't buy anything save some face goop for my mom (However, I did recieve the bonus makeup that came with it). It was still fun though- my mom used to go out together a lot more but I guess I've been busy lately because we haven't spent time together for a while. So it was nice, despite the fact that we didn't see anything too interesting. Besides, I think she might have wanted to talk about her dad being in the hospital and stuff, and she wanted to see if there were any shoes she could buy for the gala thing my dad's been invited to. So it was good. Then I got home and called Kaela. We had planned to do something but realised we had no money, so instead I went to her house and we watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Now I've seen it three times this week, but it was the first time for her. I enjoyed watching her expression at all the funny/suprising parts.

So that was Friday.

On Saturday, I must confess, I didn't do much. Mom and Dad went out, so I watched some cartoons and sang along really loudly to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. I love signing, it's so fun. Especially when no one can hear you, because then you're not so afraid to make mistakes. It was a little depressing though- I can sing all of Ewan McGregor's parts perfectly, but I have trouble with Nicole Kidman's. Damn, why is every girl a soprano? One day I should become a singer just to prove you can still sing even if you can't hit super high notes. Oh well, I had fun either way. Then night-time came and I went to Peters party with Anne-Marie. It was annoying as hell to get a hold of her, but in the end it was worth it because I got a ride both ways. :) It was a pretty chill party too. Not too many people came, but I don't mind small partys at all. I had a lot of fun, and I'm glad to report that I didn't wake my mom up getting home. It's not that I came back too too late or anything, but I feel bad when she wakes up because of me. I also usually fear that she'll assume I'm drunk or something if I make to much noise, and since I'm very, very rarely drunk I would hate for her to assume I am.

Sunday, now.

My parents were gone when I woke up, but I didn't really care. I like being alone, it's sort of calming. No awkward silences when you've only got yourself to talk to. So I watched some more cartoons and played around with the laptop until it was time to got to rehersals. It was my first rehersal, and since it was only the third rehersal for everyone else I'm not too behind. I need to get the music though, because I really need to learn the lines in the songs. Then again, I'm sure it'll come soon enough. Most of the rehersal was just dancing though. Man, the director is so cool. You wouldn't know just looking at him, but that middle aged man can dance like no other. We'll just be listening to a song to get the beat and stuff, and he's off dancing like a maniac. It's great, it really is. So yeah, we got to do a lot of strutting and hip rolling. I got complimented on the way I twirled and jumped, which is funny because I didn't think I was doing that great a job at all, mostly because I didn't really know what I was doing to begin with. Probably a fluke, but nice to hear nonetheless.

I need to buy white shoes for the play, I can't forget to buy white shoes. And I told Elizabeth that I'd help her with costumes. I wouldn't be suprised if my offer was ignored though. I think that since I worked with Maggie last year, the costume departement will be reluctant to work with me, as if I'm infected or something. It's too bad, I thought that Maggie was fine to deal with if you approached her right, but somehow her and the club was just a bad mix altogether. Ah, well, I'm sure they've both learnt something from it.

Jon was at rehersal, and since I haven't seen him since we went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I was so happy to see him. He's such a cool kid, I can't wait to see him in a couple years, he'll be such an interesting nearly-adult.

So now I'm here, and there's school tomorow. I think Mr.Hirsch is planning a math test this week, which is actually a good thing because I need to catch up on my marks. Other than that, my expectations for the upcoming week aren't too high. But that's okay, boring weeks make the interesting ones more worth while.

Is it just me or is this a rather long post?

there must be some mistake...

2005-09-22T20:38:00.000-04:00

So I'm doing the dishes tonight, and the phone rings. My dad picks up.
"She's busy, let me take down the number and she'll call back."

Turns out it was Debbie from the Music Club. Apparently there was some sort of mistake and they mistook me for another girl. I'm in the play after all! :D

This makes me happy, for a few reasons.
- The people doing the casting had been telling me that I had a nice voice for a while now and I felt kind of gipped that they didn't cast me after hyping me up for such a long time.
- I didn't really want to make costumes with the woman making costumes this year. Although I'm sure she's nice, she never smiles and I think I would feel uncomfortable working with her for an extended period of time.
- I like rehersals, I admit it. I also like being backstage.
- This year it's set in the fifties and I like to wear circle skirts. :)
- I felt bad for Thea because she only had Marika to talk to. And that's no fun at all.
- I felt ashamed of telling my work that I could work Sunday afternoons afer all, especially considering we had already worked something out. Now I don't have to.

Too bad Craig isn't doing it this year, I would have liked him to be there, because Craig is cool. However, I totally understand that he's got other fish to fry instead of being in chorus, so I forgive him. That is, as long as he comes to watch the final product. :)

And holy crap, Dresden Dolls are coming to Montreal, and seeing as the prices are incredibly cheap I just might be able to go. :D I still have to talk to Mom about it, but I think if I play my cards right it'll be okay with her. Damn, I really really want to go, they're one of my favorite bands!

So yeah. This is me being happy. Not to mention I had time to listen to Spanish Train right before I got off the school bus this morning, so I had an awesome song in my head the whole day.

"There's a Spanish Train that runs between..."

auditions prt 2 and other random happenings

2005-09-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Damn, it seems I haven't written in here for a while.

Well, bad news first I guess. I failed my latest math test. This sucks, but it provides a good lesson and I'm going to smarten up. Doing nothing and acing the test is chemistry class, not math, and it's time I learnt that.

On another, possibly less cheerfull note, I didn't get into Bye Bye Birdie. This made me feel like absolute shit, let me tell you. I guess I had just taken for granted that I would at least get chorus. Especially after Caf' St-Jaques, where everyone was telling me how awesome I was and how they couldn't believe I hadn't auditioned. And how people were supposedly "glad I decided to audition this time around". I just assumed that they actually wanted me in the show, I guess. I'll be fine, but I found myself suddenly realising that they didn't want me after all, and it felt like everyone had been lying the whole time.

Or maybe it just felt shitty to have my ego squashed like a fruit fly between a boulder and an anvil. I'll get over it.

Other than that my life is grand though. I've now become the "a-v" kid at school, what with doing the morning announcements and stuff. Yup. I feel like everyone will think I'm trying to be Chris Wilding, but it's not my fault I want to show clips and make people laugh! I guess they'll just have to live with me, because I'm here to stay. :D

I want the school year to end.

The thought strikes me of how much happier I would be without math class. It just brings down any day that it's part of. I. can't. wait. until cegep. No more math, no more science. Thank freaking god.

Well, that about it for me. Catch you all later.

Auditions

2005-09-06T20:00:00.000-04:00

So Hudson Music Club auditions are on Saturday. I only found out today, but I think I'll do it. I mean, I haven't got much to lose, I guess I'm jut not all that sure how I feel about it. It's as is all of a sudden I feel a little stupid or something, as if I've been imagining myself getting some big important role and realising that that's just retarded. I've never acted before, so I'm not sure how well that'll work out for me. I suppose I've got to start somewhere though, and there's nothing wrong with trying something new. Besides, I might like it.

I guess my only problem now is cash. I wouldn't be getting paid for this gig, so I'm still not entirely sure it's worth doing. Then again, it's possible that I only get a chorus part, in which case I'm not sure I'll do it. I just don't want to spend all my Sundays there when I could be working somewhere else and earning money if all that I get out of it is the "satisfaction" of being the random girl in the back. But at the same time, shows are so incredibly fun and I would hate to miss those times backstage where everyone's excited and having a good time. It's really tough to find where my priorities lie when I've got Europe in mind. I guess, if worst comes to worst, I will ask my parents if I can borrow some of the money if I can't make the payments in time. It'll be a drag to pay back, but at least I'll get the best of both worlds. Theatre and Europe. Damn, that would be awesome! Providing, of course, that I can still make it to Europe with the waiting list and all that crap. I wish I could have worked more this summer.

I hate to sound like a victimised emo kid and all, but damn, it's not my fault that I didn't work more this summer. I handed in applications, I aced the interview, I got the job. Then they just didn't call. I though, as well as my mom and dad, that as soon as they opened they would fix things and get organized. To my dismay, however, they didn't open when they said they would, and they didn't get organized. It's left me highly frustrated and at loss for things to do. Well, I guess it's too bad for them, because I'm putting in resumes elsewhere and I'll quit as soon as I can. Too bad, so sad, they suck and that's crappy. I just wish I would have known ahead of time, that's all.

*sigh*. Now I'm all angsty and worried about money and stuff. Goddamnit, I'm sixteen! AND SO ANGSTY ABOUT RANDOM SHIT!! There. It's been acknoledged. Let the healing process begin!!!

....

I repeat, let the healing commence!!!

....

Better luck next time I guess. Oh well, talk to you later.

First day of school

2005-08-30T20:13:00.000-04:00

So today I had my first day of grade eleven. Honnestly, I didn't find it much different than grade ten, which didn't feel much different than grade nine and so on. I guess the change just happens so gradually that I don't feel it. But with that being said, my options sound super cool.

So far, I've only been through media class and art class, and they seem like alot of fun. I'm so glad I didn't take physics, it would have been such an awful bore. I mean, in art class I can do anything, I can even work with textiles if I want to. In media class, I'm paired up with Nadine. I'm sure we'll make a great team, she's a good worker. Plus, I take that class with Dylan and Thom, and they're great, so it should be fun. And both of those classes are "work at your own pace" classes, and I'm interested to see how much I'll procrastinate. :) I'm sure it'll be fine, but it'll be an interesting experiment for sure.

Tomorow I have chemistry. w00t. To be honnest, I don't really want to take that option at all. However, I figured that when cegep aplications come 'round, it'll be good to have a "serious" option, even though I'm aiming for the "cinema and communications" program at Dawson. That way they'll know I'm capable of thinking using the scientific method and stuffs, but at the same time I'll still have taken options that show my interest for the program. I really hope my tactic works, because I would hate to have screwed myself over for no good reason. Why give myself extra work if it's going to fail anyway.

Sorry, that's my lazy side talking. :) I guess I'm just like everyone else and like to see my efforts rewarded, i suppose.

Anyhow, I'm bored with typing. Catch you cats later.

And the deed is done

2005-08-22T14:06:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

So yesterday I got back from Ontario at about ten o'clock at night, I had tons of fun! It's strange to think that I won't be visiting that region of the province for a damn long time now. My sister lives in Toronto, so I don't need to go to Guelph or Cambrige at all to visit her, and my brother is moving to Vancouver so I won't need to visit him there either. I don't mind so much, there isn't much to see there anyway. What I do mind, however, is that this means I probably won't be able to see so much of my old friends anymore, because I always went to see them at school when I was around there. Of course, this also means that I won't be seeing much more of The Poc for a long time, and that sucks. Royaly. I miss him. :(

Anyhow, Saturday was super cool. My sister started to cry a little while she was saying her vows, it was so sweet... and her and mom and Donna and Suzy were all had watery eyes for about the entire reception. It was cute to see them all together though. And The Boys sister Kristen made a PowerPoint presentation using all these pictures of Catherine and Jeremy when they were kids and when they were growing up... It was the most adorable thing ever. Needless to say, I think the worlds in for some pretty good looking babies when they decided to start a family. >.<

The open house at Jeremys parents was fun. I met a whole bunch of their friends, and it was super fun to finaly be able to put a face to all the names I've been hearing for the past four or five years. It was like a big huge "finally" in my head.

Then the day after my brother left for Vancouver. It's a long busride across most of the country, so I hope he isn't too bored. He's got about five hours of battery life on his laptop, some cds and a couple books, but still... I hope he'll be fine gettting there. Once he's in Vancouver though, I'm sure he'll be just fine. He's a tough guy, and definitely smart so I'm not worried in the least. :) I didn't even cry when he got on the bus, I was so proud of myself (I got pretty misty eyed, I'll admit, but there were no tears.)!

So yeah. Tomorow I have to go pick up my schedule for school. Tonight Catherine and Jeremy are making there way over here to spend a day, and then for the rest of the week they're camping. w00t!

I'm too lazy to type more than I have already. P'raps I'll write more later on.

three more sleeps

2005-08-15T11:54:00.000-04:00

Three more sleeps until I go to Ontario! I'm happy I'm going, it'll be super fun. My sisters getting married on Saturday, my brother is probably leaving for BC on Sunday. I'll be sad to see him go, but at the same time I know it'll be good for him, that he's making the right descision. It's more than likely the first crazy descision Philippes made that I totally agree with, in fact. He's such an awesome brother, I'm happy he's following his dreams. As for my sister, being married actually won't change much about her life. She already lives with him, but I guess it's that much more of a comitment. I'm really happy for her as well, I'm sure it's yet another good descision.

I pack the day after tomorow. That should be interesting, I'm sure. Clothing I'm not worried about, but I'm not sure how much time I'll have to kill, so because of that I'm not sure what I should bring other than clothes. I think what I'll do is pack my sketchbook, which is always usefull, and I'll bring my humongeous Lord of the Rings book as well. It's all the books in one, so I'm sure it'll keep me occupied. Plus, I'm already completely absorbed in the story, because I've recently started to re-read them. I'm only at book two out of six, so no doubt it'll last me a whole weekend.

Speaking of LotR, I've been noticing about ten million similarities between LotR and Harry Potter. Not so much in the plot, but in the characters. Just think, Dumbledore and Gandalf could have nearly been the same wizard with different clothing. The Black Riders are an awful lot like the ancestors of Dementors. Wormtongue. Wormtail. Need I say more about those two? I don't know. Maybe it's just my inner conspiracy theorist coming out, but it seems that it's pretty damn obvious where J.K. Rowlings inspiration for her characters came from. Or perhaps I'm just annoyed with H.P. at the moment. I mean, the plot is super imaginitive and all, it's just that the actual quality of the writing seems to lack. And I'm tired of all the retarded teeny-boppers. Because whatever they might say, Harry will never rox0rs my b0xorz exclamation mark one one one one.

Anyhow, I suppose that my beef for now. Tata my loves!

Best job in the world

2005-08-07T20:56:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not talking about working at Howard Johnson. In fact, although I've just started I can't wait for an opportunity to quit. The other day I show up at work and no one was there, again. So I rang the back door at Harveys and asked if Karina was there, and it turns out she forgot her key to the hotel and went home to get it. She only showed up forty minutes later and didn't even apologize. What a woman.

No, the job I'm talking about is party entertainment. BEST JOB EVER! Today was my second party, and holy crap was it ever fun. Last time I was Cookie Monster, which was fun but very, very sweaty. This time, however, I got to be a fairy! That's right, my friend Kim was the Fairy Godmother and I was her minion, tending to her needs a little but mostly painting faces. It was so cool. Kim was a camp counseler and everything, so she kept the kids occupied without any dull moments, and I did face painting the whole time. There were eight little girls ("I want to be a princess." "I want a butterfly." "I want a heart."), so that was cute despite being a little repetitive. The two little boys were fun though, I got to paint bats and spiders on them! It was only an hour long, but like I said, I had fun and the kids were absolutely marvellous. I would have done it for free, no problem, but at the end of the day I still got paid 25 dollars. >.<

Even preperation was fun. Maggie, my "boss", is stressed lately so she was completely over-preparing us, but it was okay because she's going through a tough time and we wanted it to be perfect. So last night I stayed up with my glue gun and I glued fake flowers onto bobby pins, and this morning I made my hair into a bun with flowers all aroung. Girly, true, but effective as well. :) And speaking of over preperation, Kim and I got there at ten o'clock this morning, even though the party was at two. This means we staid in Maggies basement for a couple hours without anything to do before I did Kims makeup and hair. But that's okay, because I love Kim and we hadn't hung out in a while. I'm so sad that she's moving to Ontario in about two weeks, I was just starting to get to know her better. Then again, I know she'll have fun, and I know she'll be succesful over there. Kim's a smart girl, she can do it.I'll miss her anyways.

All that to say I had a super awesome day today. :D

organization au max

2005-08-01T20:38:00.000-04:00

So you remember how I wrote about my new job? So that's been interesting...

I worked for three days. My last day was on a Friday and my boss told me:
"Take tomorow and Sunday off, and I'll call you on Monday." So I took the weekend off and waited on Monday for the call. Alas, the call didn't come and I waited some more. In fact, I was still waiting yesterday, which was Sunday. This morning, my mom and I decided that we were annoyed of not being able to plan anything and so we drove down to the hotel and in order to ask them what in the world was going on. After all, it was supposed to open today.

Turns out the doors were locked and no one was inside. I came back later and the owner had just shown up. He told me that there was some sort of delay and that it wouldn't open for another week or so. Then he apologized for the manager not calling me sooner and he asked me to come in tomorow.

Hooray for proper sheduling, eh?

So anyways, tomorow I need to ask the manager if she can take time out of her busy schedule to actually make a schedule, and ask her if she needs me on Sunday, because on that day I'm booked for fortune-telling/face painting at a party. I can always get replaced, but it would be a shame to miss out on the fun. Anyways, I also have to tell her that I can't work from the 18th until the 23rd so I can drive down to my sisters wedding. Not to mention my brothers last few days on the eastern side of the country, couldn't miss that. What's going to be super cool about the wedding though, is that Suzy is coming down from Vancouver. I haven't seen her for years, I'm so excited!

I'm annoyed with typing random things that no one will read. Onward, to other things!

What's this? Embroidery?

2005-07-24T10:11:00.000-04:00

I have no money to buy a stitch-it kit, so I learnt the basic stitches and had a wild time anyway.

curli gets a job and other random things

2005-07-19T18:34:00.000-04:00

So I finally got a job. The call came today, and now I'm the first hired employee of still unopened Howard Johnson hotel in Rigaud, QC. In fact, I start tomorow at one o'clock. I think we're officially opening on the first, but seeing as the hotel has just been built, there's alot of cleaning to do and I've been called in to help. I guess this solves the earlier dillema of what I'm going to do with my summer now that Thea's off to camp and I have a phone-allergy. Now I'll have something to do, and what's more, I'll be getting paid for it. :)

Unfortunetly, work tomorow means a possibility of an awkward moment between myself and a friend I haven't seen or heard of since May. She lives in Ontario but she's in the province visiting her cousins at the moment. We were supposed to hang out today, but she got held up in Montreal, so we rescheduled for tomorow. Then I got the call from Howard Johnson. I decided that it was impossible to blow off my first day at work and keep my job for long, so I told them I would be there. However, I would hate for my friend to think that I'm deliberatly avoiding her or something. After all, last time I went to her house things got a little strange because she got busted, and sold me out for things I didn't do. I'm not entirely sure she's aware that I know she told her parents about things I haven't done, but the fact of the matter is that I haven't heard of her since then and I'm getting a tad worried our relationship will get awkward and spoil. Then again, I can't say in all honnesty that I tried very hard to keep in touch after a very strange conversation with my mom about whether or not I drink and do drugs. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

The utter unimportance of being Evan

2005-07-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

So, The Importance of Being Earnest just finished it's last show, so I'm finally done working on it. The show rocks, but it would have been so much better had our director not been such an ass. Stupid Evan. He got so bad and annoying that the club decided to never again use him as backstage crew or anything administrative, and we're never going to cast him again either. He's an unreliable jerk, even the parents will tell you so.

As an example, after the last show it is customary to clean up the venue to make it easier to move everything out the day after. This show wasn't an exception to the rule, and Evan told us to make it speady. After all, everyone wants to go home or go party afterwards, so why spend forever cleaning up? This was a perfectly acceptable request. Or it would have been, had he helped as well. Instead, after the show Evan the Asshole decided to make out with his girlfriend instead, just outside the door where we could all see him. Way to go, director man. Way to help out the team. It would have been bad enough had he not come inside once people were nearly finished and yelled at them to hurry up because he wanted to go home. Well, he can just go die in a fire, because he's one of the biggest assholes I'll ever meet. I could go on, but I hope this example will suffice.

Sadly, although I know I won't have to work on any youth plays with him anymore, I will have to continue doing restaurant murder mysteries and mascotting for childrens parties with him. God, I'm in for a treat.

Well, here end my random rant about the ass named Evan. Mainly because I have to go. Maybe I'll continue this later.

So begins the summer of boredom

2005-07-12T13:36:00.000-04:00

Aiee! My summer began a month ago, and so far everything has been going marvelously. However, off Thea goes to camp and starting Sunday I'm fearful that the summer will take a turn for the worst. It's not that I don't have other friends, it's just that none of them live quite so close by and seeing as I basically have a phone allergy, I don't call many others. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get off my butt and do things. And if worst comes to worst, I'll craft all summer and be happy anyways. :)