So, I think I need a hug

This post, I'm warning you now, is pretty emo. But hopefully I'll feel better afterwards.

I'm feeling fat and ugly lately, and that's not good. Ugly not so much, because everyonce in a while I'll look in the mirror and see someone that is sort of not completely hideous in a wierd sort of way. But I am feeling fat, and I wish I wasn't. So I've been doing more pilates, I hope they help.

Other than that I'm pretty stressed out. I have a math test on Friday that I don't feel I'm ready for, but there isn't any way around it. I'm not sure if I would be any more prepared if it was in two weeks, anyways. This worries me. How will I do on my final?

I'm also really dissapointed in myself because I don't think I'm a gold cord winner for convocation. I've been in honour roll all throughout high school, but I just found out I once got a 69% in math. Only one term, but I think I might have been completely screwed over just for that. And that majorly sucks. Because I'm left feeling as if my school marks mean absolutely nothing, and I hate that feeling. I've always worked really hard to keep my grades up, but one fuck up and no one will ever know. And it didn't even end up mattering for cegep at all, either. Erin Baumeister got into the same program as me at Dawson, and although I've never checked I know she doesn't get as good marks as me. I'm just... so dissapointed with the way things have worked out. It seems like there isn't really a point in working hard, because obviously I'm in the same boat as the people that put in a mediocre effort. Then again, maybe that's what I deserve. Maybe I am just mediocre.

I'm not really pretty.
I'm not really skinny.
I'm an okay singer.
I'm an okay artist.
I was an okay musician when I played.
I sort of know my way around computers but not really.
I'm not really unique, I mainly recycle ideas.
I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
My grades are alright, but not amazing.
I seem to be incapable of attracting any guy on this planet.
I'm not good with babies, children or animals.
I can't cook.
I'm not a very good writer.
I'm no good at sports, except maybe rugby. I'm an okay player. For a rookie.

Long story short, I'm not really exceptional in any way at all. I'm just a mediocre person in every sense of the word and there isn't any way to change that. I just feel like I'm letting myself down. I always wanted to be special, that's all. And coming to the realisation that I'm not just sucks.

I want someone to show me something happy. Just happy.

I want a fucking hug.