I will grow up to be a bitter woman with too many cats
Before I start, I would like to state that I am angsty. At this point in time, however, I don't really give a flying fuck. A good friend once told me that once angst was acknoledged the healing process was sped up, but I regret to inform you all that this hasn't worked for me so far. Moving on...
I'm really, very lonely. I've tried watching anti-romance movies, but those just made me bitter. I've tried watching lovie-dovie chick flicks, but then I get depressed because I wish my life were a fairy tale. I've tried reading books, hanging out with friends, working, doing more homework, spending time with my mom, spending more time by myself making things, keeping a journal, surfing the internet and shopping, but the fact is that I am lonely. I am over my ex-boyfriend. It is possible I never see him again and that's okay. However, I have realised that this situation means that I have nothing left to hold onto. I don't even have the dim hope that one day I'll go back to Ontario and meet with him again. My only hope now is that I don't developp an allergy to cats any time soon, because if that's the case than I'm really fucked.
"Don't be like that Marianne, everyone loves you."
That's funny, when's the last time someone held my hand? Try nearly two years ago.
"If I were a guy I'd been in your pants in a second."
Then dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians, because I'm pretty sure that's all the action I'm capable of getting.
And yet, throughout all this time, no one has been able to answer me the following question: "What in the fucking world is wrong with me?" I have a great life, I shouldn't even be contemplating the thought of beginnning to complain. I get okay marks in school, I like to laugh and I have a couple friends. And yet, I'm unhappy. I am an angsty emo child, there's no escaping it. I am wrong. Somehow, in some strange way, I am wrong inside. Thank goodness for postsecret though, or else I would think I am the only one. Too bad the feeling of "you are not alone" doesn't have an effect though, I wish it did.
To quote Modest Mouse:
"As life gets longer, awfull feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me."
The danger here, though, is that I end up falling for any/every guy that will hold a conversation with me. Of course, when I am rudely awakened by the fact that we're just friends and that's it, it costs me another tear. Or two. Or three. I am a naive little girl, that's what.
Maybe I should just live up to my stereotype and start cutting my arms to bits.
"Now you're just being stupid."
Fuck off. I'm always stupid on the inside.
I'm really, very lonely. I've tried watching anti-romance movies, but those just made me bitter. I've tried watching lovie-dovie chick flicks, but then I get depressed because I wish my life were a fairy tale. I've tried reading books, hanging out with friends, working, doing more homework, spending time with my mom, spending more time by myself making things, keeping a journal, surfing the internet and shopping, but the fact is that I am lonely. I am over my ex-boyfriend. It is possible I never see him again and that's okay. However, I have realised that this situation means that I have nothing left to hold onto. I don't even have the dim hope that one day I'll go back to Ontario and meet with him again. My only hope now is that I don't developp an allergy to cats any time soon, because if that's the case than I'm really fucked.
"Don't be like that Marianne, everyone loves you."
That's funny, when's the last time someone held my hand? Try nearly two years ago.
"If I were a guy I'd been in your pants in a second."
Then dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians, because I'm pretty sure that's all the action I'm capable of getting.
And yet, throughout all this time, no one has been able to answer me the following question: "What in the fucking world is wrong with me?" I have a great life, I shouldn't even be contemplating the thought of beginnning to complain. I get okay marks in school, I like to laugh and I have a couple friends. And yet, I'm unhappy. I am an angsty emo child, there's no escaping it. I am wrong. Somehow, in some strange way, I am wrong inside. Thank goodness for postsecret though, or else I would think I am the only one. Too bad the feeling of "you are not alone" doesn't have an effect though, I wish it did.
To quote Modest Mouse:
"As life gets longer, awfull feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me."
The danger here, though, is that I end up falling for any/every guy that will hold a conversation with me. Of course, when I am rudely awakened by the fact that we're just friends and that's it, it costs me another tear. Or two. Or three. I am a naive little girl, that's what.
Maybe I should just live up to my stereotype and start cutting my arms to bits.
"Now you're just being stupid."
Fuck off. I'm always stupid on the inside.
posted by curli at 5:03 PM
1 Comments:
Watch Pulp Fiction. It worked for me. I love you, and it'll all be okay in the end. If you ever need me, you lknow where I am! YOU're still young, it can only go somewhere form here.
thea
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