overwhelming
Hallowe'en party yesterday, it was so fun! I was so happy to see Kim, she still rocks my world even though I haven't seen her for a while. Goddamn, what a great gal. She just never gets any less cool, and I was uber happy to see her again. I didn't get to go to her going away party, so it was even better to party with her again.
It was weird though, I got a lot of comments about how quiet I was being. I think some people thought I was sad or something, which is strange because it was an odd time when I wasn't at all unhappy. I guess it's just because I'm not very good at partying (if there is such a thing) and big, loud, drunken get-togethers sort of overwhelm me. I just never know quite what to do with myself, so I end up not doing anything I guess. Maybe I'm just not so social as I think I am after all. Whatever.
Being quiet at parties does give you interesting oportunities to think about your life though. More so than it seems, believe me. For instance, at Peter's yesterday I ended up wondering why it was that I couldn't seem to get any action. A silly thought, I'll grant you, but that's what happens when you find yourself in your own little world around a bunch of silly people. I thought to myself: "Maybe I should have a tap list too." Unfortunetly, this morning I kept on thinking and came to several good conclusions why I shouldn't.
A) I'm just a silly little girl, and quite frankly I would feel so foolish and awkward about it that I would probably rip it up withing the first five minutes of writing it.
B) I'm just a silly little girl, and I wouldn't know how to go about completing it anyways. I've always had troubles approaching people.
C) I'm just a silly little girl, and I would probably end up telling someone about it, and that person would tell everyone else, and then every girl would think I was slutty and every guy on the list would avoid me at all costs.
D)It wouldn't work out anyways because no guy would be willing anyways.
I realised that I'm just one of those girls that chose long ago to be a girlpal by accident instead of a girlfriend, and somehow the package I chose didn't come with benefits of any kind. Nadine says I've got personality up the wazoo, but unfortunetly that doesn't come with the added bonus of reminding the guys around me that I've got tits under that shirt. Personality doesn't equal sexiness, and that's that. Nadine might not think she's got a great personality (even though she's uber cool), but she's still got monster sex appeal.
I tried kidding myself by saying there just wasn't anyone cool enough. However, by stating that I prove myself to be nothing more than an elitist, snobby bitch and therefore it makes me no cooler than anyone. So I'm back to square one, without any idea of how to go forwards. Perhaps guys just think I'm needy with a touch of depression, and it pushes them away or something. Could be. Either way, results are the same. And maybe the results are all that matter in the long run anyways.
Sorry I'm being such a baby guys. I know I've got great friends, and if any of you are reading this don't think you're not doing a great job, because you are. I just need to unload my angst somewhere, so it all goes here.
It was weird though, I got a lot of comments about how quiet I was being. I think some people thought I was sad or something, which is strange because it was an odd time when I wasn't at all unhappy. I guess it's just because I'm not very good at partying (if there is such a thing) and big, loud, drunken get-togethers sort of overwhelm me. I just never know quite what to do with myself, so I end up not doing anything I guess. Maybe I'm just not so social as I think I am after all. Whatever.
Being quiet at parties does give you interesting oportunities to think about your life though. More so than it seems, believe me. For instance, at Peter's yesterday I ended up wondering why it was that I couldn't seem to get any action. A silly thought, I'll grant you, but that's what happens when you find yourself in your own little world around a bunch of silly people. I thought to myself: "Maybe I should have a tap list too." Unfortunetly, this morning I kept on thinking and came to several good conclusions why I shouldn't.
A) I'm just a silly little girl, and quite frankly I would feel so foolish and awkward about it that I would probably rip it up withing the first five minutes of writing it.
B) I'm just a silly little girl, and I wouldn't know how to go about completing it anyways. I've always had troubles approaching people.
C) I'm just a silly little girl, and I would probably end up telling someone about it, and that person would tell everyone else, and then every girl would think I was slutty and every guy on the list would avoid me at all costs.
D)It wouldn't work out anyways because no guy would be willing anyways.
I realised that I'm just one of those girls that chose long ago to be a girlpal by accident instead of a girlfriend, and somehow the package I chose didn't come with benefits of any kind. Nadine says I've got personality up the wazoo, but unfortunetly that doesn't come with the added bonus of reminding the guys around me that I've got tits under that shirt. Personality doesn't equal sexiness, and that's that. Nadine might not think she's got a great personality (even though she's uber cool), but she's still got monster sex appeal.
I tried kidding myself by saying there just wasn't anyone cool enough. However, by stating that I prove myself to be nothing more than an elitist, snobby bitch and therefore it makes me no cooler than anyone. So I'm back to square one, without any idea of how to go forwards. Perhaps guys just think I'm needy with a touch of depression, and it pushes them away or something. Could be. Either way, results are the same. And maybe the results are all that matter in the long run anyways.
Sorry I'm being such a baby guys. I know I've got great friends, and if any of you are reading this don't think you're not doing a great job, because you are. I just need to unload my angst somewhere, so it all goes here.
posted by curli at 7:48 PM
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