garble garble garble

New job!

And while working at Subway might not be the most luxurious job, it's a lot funner than Howard Johnson, gives me much more hours and even pays more (we get tip!). Not to mention the owners aren't a forgetfull lying bitch and a pseudo-chipper man. Thank goodness for that. Plus, they actually do the job that they're employees do, so they know wether or not they're demands are crazy. Cool? I thought so too.

I want to go bungee jumping. I want to go now. Screw the brain damage. I want to jump off a bridge. That way, when someone asks me "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" I can respond with: "Actually, I've jumped off bridges before on my own time, without anyone else. In fact, I even paid for it. So HA!" Oh, the triumph.

Seeing as this post is headed the random way, I might as well continue the trend.

It kind of makes me sad that all my friends ever have to look forward to is getting high, or getting drunk. It's not that I'm against those things at all; I don't really care whether or not you drink/get high or not. It's just that, it's really too bad that that's the only there is to look forward to. Is it because there really is nothing else, or is it just because our minds are wired that way? Am I the one that's warped? I don't want to sound like I'm scoffing them, because really I'm not. It just makes me wonder. It just seems that most people I know have only that to look forward to, and I don't know why. Is it really that fufilling? Am I just weird? Hmm, maybe it's just because whenever I feel like getting drunk, it's because I'm going through an awful time and I just want to sleep and forget.

Wow, I must sound like a complete bitch. I apologize to any of my readers that enjoy getting smashed, I don't mean to come off sounding all high-and-mighty. I'm just trying to understand, so please don't get me wrong. I feel bitchy already, and I haven't even hit the submit button yet.

[complaint]
I am so freaking tired, it's not even funny anymore. 12 hours of work a week, plus 2 hours of tutoring, plus 5-7 hours of rehersals, plus school, plus homework. Damn, it really gets to you after a while. It makes me wonder. Maybe kids don't just commit suicide because they're depressed. Maybe they just want some sleep. It's just that, I wake up and my head feels so incredibly heavy, and all I ever really feel like doing is sleeping. Any day, anywhere, just ask me what I feel like doing. 95% of the time it'll be "Sleep, no questions asked." As I type this my eyes are having a hard time keeping open. It's not yet 9:30. Then again, I know I'll have to wake up at 6 tomorow, so maybe I should go read a book or something until sleep claims me. Shouldn't take long.
[/complaint]

Good night. With luck, my alarm clock will explode, there will be ten feet of snow in the morning and the teachers will go on strike Monday. Then my work will call and tell me their paying me to stay home, because I'm that cool. And while I'm at it, I'd like an mp3 player.




And a pony.

better now

I quit my job yesterday and I feel better now. They tried to put me on-call, so I told them that I would look elsewhere for a more dependable form of employment. Now I'm really hoping one of my resumes that I handed out on Saturday will work out, because if not I majorly screwed myself over. But what's done is done, so I will accept it and won't look back. And if I have it my way, I will never darken the doorway of the Howard Johnson Inn ever again.

The teachers are voting about the strike/contract/e.c.a. ban tonight, I really hope it works out for them. God, I want to be part of the new school government system, the debate club, rugby, the europe trip. And if I want to make those things work, I need the teachers to be able to take part in extra curricular activities. Oh, I hope it works out. I don't want to lose my three-hundred-and-something dollars already invested in the trip. I want to make my school a better place. I want to argue with people I don't know. I want to run around in the mud. I want e.c.a.'s. And if I'm not mistaken, the teachers do as well.

Meh. Feeling sort of weird todays. A mix of bad-weather-blahs and warm feelings about Christmas that's coming and friends and going to the Book Fair on Thursday. I can't wait, I want to buy tons and tons of books and read them all and love them. I love books. In fact, if I inherited a million dollars tomorow at least half of it would go towards literature. The other half would probably go towards sewing and crafting.

Speaking of which, I've had a mighty idea today. Next year I'll be going to cegep. And I know this'll sound really girly, but I want to look good. Not necessarily for other people, but I always feel that when I look at myself in the mirror, I'll feel more confident if I'm looking good. So I figured that this summer, before I'm tied up with too many bills to pay, I'll take at least half a paycheck and buy nothing but different fabrics and stuffs. I'll make shirts and tops and skirts and dresses and a bunch of different bags to mix and match. Or I'll start doing all that this year, and my goal will be to have a certain number of things done before cegep starts. That would be awesome. I've been thinking of making myself a big black tote bag for this winter, because I always find that small bags make winter coats look even bigger. I could embroider something cool on it in beige to make it go with my coat, too. And if I make the design myself, I'll be able to count it as an art project too. w00t! I've been thinking about launching some sort of clothing company in recent times, and I think I've finally hit on a fun name. How does "Frisky Kitten" clothing company grab you? I thought it was cute and kind of catchy, which I figure is what you need if you're selling to girls. And if I start selling to guys as well later on, then I'll make a different name for that line. But for now, it's just for girls because that's all I can handle. Now I just need a place to sell. I'll talk to Ginette at Facade, because independant stores are more likely to do consignment. I'll try Shabby Chic as well, just to cover the bases. You never know. I'll also look into consignment for pixelgirlshop.com too, but I need to research it more before hand.

Oh god, I'm such a girl. Isn't it great?

God. Fucking. Damnit.

Did I tell you that everything was going well?

Did I forget to mention I'm silly and naive?

Things were going well, I can assure you. But now...

My job cut my hours down last week. I start an hour later on both Saturday and Sunday now, which means less cash for me. I can't work later on Sundays, so unless I get to be a bus girl I doubt I'm getting that hour back. As for Saturday, I told them last week that I would be glad to work in the afternoon as well. I still don't know if they'll give me those hours though. My parents, to put it mildly, weren't thrilled.

Apparently I didn't put my foot down hard enough.
Apparently I need to tell them that if they don't give me hours, I quit.
Apparently I haven't put forth enough initiative.
Apparently they expected better from me.

Apparently I should set my priorities right.
Apparently the Hudson Music Club wasn't the greatest idea.
Apparently I should quit.

"Maybe you should quit your job and forget about Europe, and then you could go to rehersals everyday."

Fuck you and your mother.

Fuck my managers.

Fuck my foolishness.

Fuck money.

Fuck priorities.

FUCK EVERYTHING

challenge idea in response to Thea's comment

Great idea, Thea, the challenge idea sounds like fun. Yours sounds rather difficult though, in more than one way. I understand not wanting anyone to read certain things, I've got a book full of secret thoughts in my room. So trying to find it would be fun, but I think I would end up feeling bad if I did. But it's definitely interesting. I'll probably try to find it and end up failing miserably, so no worries.

I thought of an interesting challenge to give you though. I will make a mix tape (possibly a cd, but preferably a cassette) and hide it somewhere in Hudson. I'll give you a couple clues to where it might be hiding, and you'll have to find it. Of course, I'll plant it on a day that I know you have time. Possibly on Thursday the 17th? I'll give you the heads up if you're willing to do it. I got the idea off a mixtape project I read about on the internet. The goal was to make a mixtape, plant it somewhere and above that place, stencil a specific image of a tape and an arrow. Then you leave it be and hope someone finds it. I thought it was so cool, I've been trying to think of how I could do my own version.

Anyhow. That's my blurb. Craft challenges would be ace too though, no questions asked.

Hahahahahahahaha... I was a-thinking today, and I realised that I hadn't thought about my ex-boyfriend in probably more than a week. And that thought didn't bother me at all. Quite the contrary, it brightened my day a little.

It's not that I'm totally anti-love and that I want to grow up and live all alone for the rest of my life with a really high-paying job and an adopted child or anything, but I'm glad to know that I'm not so angsty about things anymore. I'm glad that I don't have the burden of loving someone like that when I can't see them more than twice a year. It makes me feel a little more free, I guess.

I suppose this post is going pretty much nowhere, but you'll have to forgive me this time. Why is it that I always find angsty posts will be more interesting for anyone reading this? Is it because I find that depressing stuff interesting myself? Who knows. I have discovered recently though that I thouroughly enjoy reading peoples blogs and journals. I couldn't tell you why, but there's something rather intimate about all of it and it makes me feel like I know the person better when I can read their random thoughts. I guess it's also because it's easier for me to really listen to someone's problems and stuff when they're written down. That way it's impossible for me to interrupt, impossible for me to stop them from finishing their thought. Maybe it helps me understand them some more.

Perhaps I only keep a blog in the dim hope that someone out there will be interested enough to read it. Consider it my pay-back for reading a bunch of blogs written by people I don't know.

I want more curried salmon, like I had for dinner yesterday. That stuff was freaking awesome. Either that or some curry dip with plenty of vegetables. Or a cup of homemade hot chocolate by the fire. Or chicken pot pie. Or a big Christmas dinner. Shut up, you're making my mouth water.

Speaking of Christmas, the time has come for me to start thinking of what I'm getting my friends/family for Christmas. Or what I'm crafting them, for I lack the funds to buy them anything. Most of my friends will get a pretty card, no doubt. Kaela will get a gift because she's great, but I don't know what yet. It'll probably be something to do with an anime she likes, like last year. Thea will probably get a birthday-Christmas gift hybrid, I hope she doesn't mind. She'll probably understand though, so I'm not too too worried. My sister and her husband get a box full of crafted things, such as bracelets, trinkets, stenciled things and other random crap I hadn't thought of yet. My dad will probably get pajama pants with a little something. I'm not sure about my brother. I'd be tempted to get him something geeky, but I'm not sure how big his apartement is. I think I might just stencil him a super awesome t-shirt or something of that sort. As for my mom, I'm still lost. I'm thinking I want to get some fancy, fuzzy black yarn and knit her a great scarf to go with the fancy coat she bought herself in Ottawa. It's purple, so a black scarf would look nice. Especially if the yarn is cool and soft. Yeah, she might like that.

Wow, that was random. I think the better my mood, the more scatter-brained my posts get. Go figure.

Computer appreciation

Hello, Archibald. How are you feeling today?

I just thought I would let you know how much you rock. Although my chair is not as comfortable as it could be, I still find myself staring into your backlit screen day after day. The little tune you play when I wake you up, along with the small noises that the scanner makes feel more like a greeting than a random thump of machinery. Oh, Archibald, you're a computer with a wonderfully good temper.

And it's official, Marianne spends way to much time developping personnalities for innanimate objects, however you spell that. I guess I'm in a good mood today.

Funny, I was about to talk about what I did today, and the really awesome food my mom made for supper, when I realised that whenever I'm in a good mood I seem to go on and on about random stuff that probably no one cares about. It's strange how people spill so easily whenever they're angsty, but when they're in a good mood they talk about something other than emotions. Interesting, interesting.

Nadine was in a bad mood today and I don't know why. Perhaps it's because she hurt her sister by accident or something, but she seemed really touchy in media class. I wish there was something I could have done to make her feel better, but I just don't know what I can do. I suppose sometimes it's best just to let the bad mood pass without making a big deal about all of it. Maybe the best thing I could do is conk Thea on the head really hard, because then she might get some rest. God, she's so tired lately, I feel bad. It's like, sometimes I feel busy, then I think of everything she's doing and end up feeling cheap. After all, I don't think I do half the stuff she does. I guess it's good to put things into perspective sometimes, although every once in a while it would feel nice to complain about being tired. Ah, complaining wouldn't change anything anyways, and I bet it builds character.

According to the teachers the E.C.A. ban will probably be lifted next week. Yay, Europe! Mr. Miller came to see Nadine, Dylan and I during media today and asked us if we wanted to take part in the student government once the ban is lifted. I bet Mr. Cross is expecting me to debate again this year. Student Government? Probably. Sounds like fun. Debating? I'm still not sure about it, so I think it's just one more of those things I'll shove into the back of my mind and think about later. I think I'll end up joining though, just to have one more e.c.a. on my application for cegep.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well right now.